ouch

my own experiences only come close - wife and me are still together but we've come very, very close to the precipice (if I was advising a mate, I'd have told him to end it long ago for everyone's sanity).

Time & space are good. When we had our rocky times, I'd always want answers but her coping mechanism was to shut herself away. Me pestering for answers as to 'why' often made things worse and would be met with vicious retorts (and household objects aimed at my head): "It's not always about you, you know!".

I'll raise relationship counselling as an idea. We found it a bit 'meh' to be honest, counsellors a bit weird/unhelpful, and we only did a few sessions (with me mostly in tears and her being pretty stony faced - honestly if I was advising a mate I'd have been calling him an idiot). But just going to them was enough to convince me that she (deep down) wanted it all to work and that was enough to keep me sane.

We got a dog (well a second) and he has quite literally saved our marriage, and quite probably saved my wife's life (she got suicidal). We now have kids and things are much better all round. so these things can have happy endings.

I hated not knowing the reasons and where her head was at over it all, as I just wanted to find out what was wrong and put it right. Horrid situation.

Even though it's at her instigation, she's probably going through just as much turmoil as you are. The silence may just be her coping strategy (particularly if she's trying to spare her kid from going through it all for a second time).

Chin up, best wishes, and cyber man hugs.

Posted By: CWC on August 1st 2014 at 10:55:00

Message Thread

why is life so fucking hard... (NCFC) - oh huckerby, Aug 1, 09:50:08
- I have a story recently, and I've just had to accept it.I've no idea what I'll do if I see (NCFC) - pants, Aug 1, 12:25:10
  - Sorry to hear about your old man Pant. (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Aug 1, 13:37:27
    - on a physical level (NCFC) - pants, Aug 1, 13:46:43
- what's up (n/m) (NCFC) - earlydoors, Aug 1, 09:52:48
- So that you can appreciate the good times (n/m) (NCFC) - Larry Hagman, Aug 1, 09:52:45
- Some good listeners on here if you want to have a rant, mate. (n/m) (NCFC) - norway, Aug 1, 09:52:38
  - no good times... (NCFC) - oh huckerby, Aug 1, 09:57:00
    - I'm afraid that's what 'some' women do (NCFC) - pants, Aug 1, 11:48:59
      - Good point... (NCFC) - Pixelman, Aug 1, 12:17:03
      - You should leave better tips...... (NCFC) - usacanary, Aug 1, 11:58:44
    - Well.................................... .... (NCFC) - Larry Hagman, Aug 1, 11:00:40
      - yea...she has one (NCFC) - oh huckerby, Aug 1, 11:26:52
        
        Sorry, I misread one as none... but... (NCFC) - Larry Hagman, Aug 1, 13:52:31
    - ouch (NCFC) - CWC, Aug 1, 10:55:00
    - been there mate. took me a year to get over it. but you do and you will. (n/m) (NCFC) - Pit, Aug 1, 10:42:13
    - Feel for you... went through something very similar and (NCFC) - Pixelman, Aug 1, 10:15:43
      - What do you think happens? (NCFC) - pants, Aug 1, 12:08:34
    - Blunt answer warning!!! (NCFC) - harry boulders, Aug 1, 10:15:35
      - out of order that hb (n/m) (NCFC) - Pit, Aug 1, 10:40:23
      - Well, blunt is about right. (n/m) (NCFC) - APB, Aug 1, 10:29:33
      - That's just pure conjecture and completely unnecessary. (n/m) (NCFC) - avid_canary, Aug 1, 10:29:15
      - Unnecessary. (n/m) (NCFC) - avenging canary, Aug 1, 10:26:25
      - Nice. (n/m) (NCFC) - lurd, Aug 1, 10:21:36
    - Time. (NCFC) - APB, Aug 1, 10:12:35
      - Yep, forgive, and grow (NCFC) - pants, Aug 1, 12:14:16
    - I'm sorry to hear that mate (NCFC) - Old Man, Aug 1, 10:07:26
    - hang in there buddy, get some quality time with your kids (NCFC) - Mozzer, Aug 1, 10:05:16
    - Good lord, that is very complex! Stay sober and spend time with friends. (NCFC) - trafford_canary, Aug 1, 10:03:44
    - Then you need to try and do something which is almost impossible to consider (NCFC) - norway, Aug 1, 10:02:45
    - Did you do a smell up the USB? (NCFC) - strap_on sally, Aug 1, 10:02:24

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