Oi Otto

This is intended as positive criticism from a big fan rather than hostility - but the latest Foxtrot Report was well below your usual standards

Two things.

First, you have become addicted to the sub-clause. The result is that the reports wasn't a good read and in some places became almost incomprehensible as sentences disappeared up their own fundamental orifices. (Prime example - "The best efforts during the first 45 minutes came from Norwich, firstly through driving central midfield play from Andrew Crofts, who hit the post and then fired over after tenacious play from right-back Russell Martin, who had more freedom to attack with the more defensively-minded Steven Smith replacing Drury on the left." That sentence is trying to do far too many things and as a result doesn't do any of them!) Shorter sentences, more clarity.

But more importantly - you now read like you're trying to imitate a "serious sports journalist". It doesn't sound like your voice any more, it sounds like someone realising they might make a career here and so trying to be serious and grown up. I don't think it works at all. You are a really good writer not least because you are fresh and funny; you puncture other people's balloons, you see quirky things; you have your own style and it's been brilliant. But the latest one reads as if you were dissatisfied with your old voice and looking for a new one, one which you hope will be more employable. Of course one should never get trapped in a literary style for ever - but this isn't really your voice, it isn't working yet.

Unless it is, of course, and I'm just talking out of my arse as usual.

Posted By: Old Git on October 25th 2010 at 11:41:01

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