tomb's pig post from last night...

went to the vets to see about artificial inseminating his female pigs.

Vet: "Well you have two options. The first we can do quite easily. Each of your pigs can be inseminated at a cost of ?1000 per pig".
Farmer - "What?! ... ?1000 a pig?! ... That sounds a f**kern expensive ... I'm only a pig farmer after all. What's the second option?"
Vet - "Well, it's quite simple really ... you just do it yourself".
Farmer - "Myself? How does that work? And more importantly how much will it cost?"
Vet - " It won't cost you a thing. You simply have sex with the animal yourself"
Farmer - " And how do I know if it's worked?"
Vet - " Well, after you've had sex with the animal, in the morning if it's laid on it's back with it's trotters in the air ... you know it's worked"
Farmer - " I'm not sure about this ... I'll have a think about it"

A few days go by and after weighing up all the options the farmer decides to go for it ... and try it himself. He gathers all the pigs up in his van and drives them to a small wood in the top field. After plucking up enough courage and trying to gain wood, he has sex with each of the pigs. Afterwards he drives them all back to the farm and retires to bed for the night.

Next morning he hurriedly runs down stairs and out into the field to check his pigs ... nothing. They're all just trotting around the sty eating and carrying on as normal. "Bugger" he thinks to himself. So he continues this for two weeks, but to no avail.

"Right that's it ... I'll give it one last go" the farmer says. So off he goes in his van up to the top field, armed with viagra, stud delay spray, anal lube and a copy of the Karma Sutra. To help the process he even dresses the pigs up in stockings, suspenders and peep-hole bra and knickers. He downs the bottle of viagra, sprays his penis with stud delay spray, props up the Karma Sutra on a tree on proceeds to shag every pig, in a variety and numerous postions, at least ten times each.

After his ten hour pig f**kfest he drives all the pigs back to the farm, locks them in their sty and, walking like John Wayne, wearily climbs the stairs and goes to bed. But before he closes his eyes he says to his wife " Do me a favour ... let me know if the pigs are acting differently in the morning?" "Right you are love" replies his wife and off he went to sleep.

Next morning his wife opens the bedroom curtains ... "Oh my! ... Quick quick come and have a look at this?!" the wife shouts excitedly. The farmer jumps up out of bed " What?! What?! Are they all laid on their backs with their trotters in the air?" " No " replies the wife puzzled ... "They're all in the van beeping the horn".

I laughed...

Posted By: Dandy Highburyman on May 19th 2011 at 08:02:42

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