Guide to Norfolk, then

Let's start at the centre.

Not just of Norfolk but possibly the known Universe.

Acle.

Best chinky for at least half a mile in any direction (and in fact now there's two). A co-op AND a Budgens. Genuine roman s**t (coast used to go as far as Acle basically, the bit of high ground behind Acle is where the boats used to come in and there was a harbour in Roman times). Replete with Bishy Barnabees in the summertime. Free blackberries if you don't mind breaking into peoples' fields. Ditto Sugarbeet and peas. In the Domesday book. Granted a turbary once I think as well. Used to have the best livestock market but it's all tourist s**te now. Nice railway station and if you stand there long enough some boring c**t will tell you what a "passing loop" is, even though you don't really want to know at all.

Moving abroad from there, over the fields is Upton. Lovely little place and you can return to The Centre (i.e. Acle) along the Bure and back up the boat dyke. The Hermitage was a s**t old man's pub when I was young but is now a decent restaurant where they take any fish, fry it in clarified butter and charge you a tenner for it.

Then up the road is Potter Heigham. Lovely old boats and that. Garden Centre somewhere near that too.

Or up the other way Lingwood and then Blofield and Brundall. And Brundall Gardens, though why they don't put their gardens next to their houses like normal people I don't know.

Or up the other way is South Walsham.

Or up the other way is Reedham.

Really, though, you won't need to go that far. Acle has everything. It's even in books and s**t (Swallows and Amazons mentions Acle Bridge).

If you want a hooge town there's Yarmouth. People who think they're local reckon Gorleston has the best beach. Those of us who know we are know it's Winterton. Just behind there's salt marshland with amazing heathers that don't grow anywhere else. And there's thingy Gap where the baby seals are in the winter, though it's f**king cold. All only twenty minutes away from Acle. And Jim Davidson is usually being white, straight, male and proud of it up the pier in the summer.

Or up the other way its The Fine with a hooge cathedral, another hooge cathedral in case you didn't like the first one, a million brilliant churches, and the best Pizza Express in the country (sit in the window and look out over Mancroft towards the Castle - bootiful).

There used to be a football team there when I was little.

That's only half an hour from Acle and you can park and ride at Postwick so it's easy to come back home after.

Other bits of Norfolk are called "Little Snoring" and "Wythef**kdonttheyspellitwindum". And Kings Lynn, though I don't think any actual Kings live there any more, or any of their Lynns either.

And Yarmouth has a Thai these days. I remember when McDonalds came and we all thought it was exciting and glamorous. I took my girlfriend "out for a meal" to McDonalds once.

And Gorleston has Baliol Road where all the people who get kicked out of Yarmouth live.

But if you stay in Acle you won't be bothered by any of them.

Hope that helps.

Posted By: Partial Angler on June 28th 2009 at 13:54:21

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