Latest News: Ryan Jarvis apologises for Kerrigan & Harding-esque ice-pick incident.

"I was sick of watching that lazy tosser half-heartedly put down his surfboard and get picked in the team ahead of me, week in, week in, despite the fact that his most memorable contribution to Norwich City's history was shuffling around during a 4-1 defeat at Selhurst Park, getting caught offside, tugging their defenders' shirts and then making a pathetic attempt to deny it.

I had to pay THIRTY POUNDS to watch that s**t - the club wouldn't even pay for my ticket because they'd spunked all the money on Uncle Peter's wages. The last straw wass when Pointy Grant came out in the Pinkun and said, "Och, I've got faith in Uncle Peter, he'll score goals, trust me, numpties."

Then I thought, "What would Uncle Joe have done? He'd have t**tted him with an icepick, that's what. I'm sorry for my actions and I deserve not to be picked as a result. Still, at least I haven't filmed my team-mates w**king on video."

Posted By: Ottosson Foxtrot, Jan 17, 12:23:32