Right, let's see if it just needed resetting.

SCENE - roadside cafe, with a blue ocean shore lapping to the left of screen and a shifting dusty desert setting to the right. The parasols flutter over the tables. It is a beautiful day, and sounds like one.

Camera pans round and then moves in, in an arc, to survey the cafe customers. There are five bikini-clad babes idly sipping ice-cold beer from melt-dripping bottles, and we see one enticing bosom reflected in a water droplet.

The camera pans again to the only other occupied table, away on the other side. Seated there, we see Death, played by Ian McKellen (like in Last Action Hero) and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers garbed as Maxwell Demon out of Velvet Goldmine. Death is reading a newspaper; JRM is staring moodily out at the desert. Wind chimes tinkle f**king annoyingly. A waiter, in waistcoat over shirtsleeves, mops a nearby table. The waiter is your very own Suggers, though strangely younger, thinner and better-looking. And with lots of hair. It's not a wig. No it isn't.

Death suddenly stirs slightly.

DEATH: Good heavens!

he holds up the newspaper, and JRM, turning, peers at it

JRM: Lampard dropped?

They stare at each other, silently.

After a pause....

Waiter: They must have used a really big crane!

There are gales of laughter from all actors and indeed the whole crew. Kate Beckinsale rushes onto the set, does a bit of aikido out of Underworld in order to throw Suggers to the floor, and begins to molest him.

I'll be back in a minute..............

Posted By: Sugbad The Bad, Sep 4, 10:41:30