I watched the Melania film so you don't have to

So right, it starts with Melania getting off a plane into a limo and she's going to Mar-A-Lago to see her husband who she hasn't seen for ages for some reason, but now they are having a big party to celebrate Hitler's Birthday.

When she gets there her feet hurt and she's desperate for a poo so she goes for a dump with her shoes off, but right at that moment, the whole place is attacked by a squadron of heavily armed lesbian paramedic domestic terrorists who claim to want the release of the Epstein files, but only as a smokescreen to break into the secret vault beneath the building so they can steal the FIFA Peace prize. They round up everyone as hostages except Melania who sneaks out, but get this... she leaves her shoes behind!

Then she tries to alert the authorities by setting off a fire alarm, but the terrorists expected this, so they just call the fire department and say that Don Junior accidentally set it off by trying to set fire to Eric while he was coked off his nipples and everything is under control. They know where the fire alarm was triggered so they send a terrorist to catch Melania, but Melania resists and they get into a scuffle and fall down some stairs and the terrorist breaks her (NOT THEIR) neck, but Melania is fine and the credits roll with Mellers holding a machine gun

Posted By: Lentil Weaver on January 29th 2026 at 00:05:30

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