Later, once the Colonel had cleaned himself off,

Maria (the nervous French maid) slipped like a bespectacled ninja into Master Diggory?s boudoir.

"Monsieur Diggory?" She offered at the altar of darkness spread before her. "J'ai un aeroglisseur pour vous?"

Tentatively, ever more aware of a sentient evil poised supine somewhere in the lightless void around her, she tiptoed farther into the room. The burning glass of absynthe rattled on the tray she carried in a crazed timpani synchronised with her trembling breasts. As the bluegreen flames died of merciless asphyxiation it splattered a wet, momentary light across her face, highlighting the fear in her eyes.

"Monsieur? Ou est le gare? Je n'aime pas cette fromage?." Her advancing foot hovered unset on the parquet flooring, a bead of sweat slid down the contour of her bare calf, stopped at the fringe of her shoeless white ankle sock and dropped to the floor like a fainting virgin.

He lept, naked and greased from behind the bidday, issuing a chilling sexual warcry. "AuntBESSIE'S Double Crust Steak & Kidney Family Pudding!"

Master Diggory stoop rampant before her. "Behold, I am Belerophon, and this is my Pegasus!" Maria noted that his 'pegasus' was merely a disappointing three inches long, but by god was it angry.

The sight of his naked body glistening in chip fat, coupled with his myopic, yet lusty, glare, was too much for maria. She turned to run, but her socked feet slipped and she fell face down on the floor. As she lifted her dazed head something sticky clung to her soft cheek, it smelt of salty hotdogs. She spun herself around to see him standing over her. In honesty, he looked a bit bored and was picking his nose. This nonchalance undid her like a cheap B-wise bra, her defences were swamped by her joint armies of desire and hate. She burned for him.

"Monsieur, treat me like Vanessa Paradis! Je voudrais fumer le grande une! JE SUIS CORNHOLIO!" He grabbed the lapels of her c**t and pulled it on like a well-worn sea boot.

The rest is carnal history?

Posted By: Tomblander on June 8th 2005 at 17:05:13

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