Brilliant as that is, it's now only the second best thing on that website.

'Oh Jesus, confession time: I designed that hammer.

They asked me to do it, I needed the money, I took the money. Not much, about 50 quid I think. The brief: to design a hammer in a West Ham kit. I did them a drawing of said hammer in an action pose, heading a football. In my sketch he was looking up at the ball. The people who made the costume clearly took my design too literally, and fixed the hammer?s pupils to be permanently looking up, as if surprised and delighted to see a heron land on his garage roof.

Despite this disaster, I was offered other mascot design jobs, which I shamefully took. They were mostly for charities or rugby league teams, but the occasional football project came up. Fulham wanted a knight. Wigan wanted a gorilla. Neither ended up being made, thankfully. The final straw came when Bristol City wanted a female cat. As a Swindon fan, I knew this was my opportunity to lumber one of our rivals with a mascot even more ridiculous than a foam hammer that can only look up. However, I got carried away and the drawing I submitted was deemed so offensive that I wasn?t asked to design any more mascots (on reflection, adding the detail of a bottle of scrumpy and a puddle of piss was probably a bit much).'

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Posted By: Ottosson Foxtrot on December 11th 2013 at 11:37:27

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