Derby view on Ipswich haha

This Week:- Ipswich Town

1) Ipswich Town FC were formed in 1981 by a group of angry villagers who could no longer afford to attend matches at their illustrious neighbours, Norwich City FC. The Village Tribal Elders, led by John Wark, tried to declare independence from Norwich but were unsuccessful, what with just being a small town in Norfolk and all that.

2) John Wark had an uncredited role in the first Police Academy film, both starring in and choreographing the Blue Oyster Bar scene which it is believed he based on a usual Thursday night at the Ipswich Village Hall. He is simply listed as ?Moustachioed Man #3? in the credits.

3) Ipswich Town are known by both of their fans as ?Blues? or ?Town? or ?Tractor Boys?. It is widely believed they have so many nicknames because their fans forget them all the time, being mainly drunk on moonshine made from potatoes.

4) The fat horse on their crest is called a ?punch?. This is because locals have very limited vocabularies, with most only knowing 11 words, and punch is the most common. It is also used to describe a thrown fist, a fruity alcoholic beverage and a rod used to form a hole. Conversation doesn?t amount to much down there.

5) Mick Mills is their record appearance holder, having turned out for them 591 times. Most of these were in tractor-racing tournaments, which Mills was quite good at, although he never really got over losing the ?Moustache of the Year? competition to John Wark in 1982.

6) They lost 9-0 to Manchester United in 1995. It is thought United were trying to find Carrow Road for a proper match but had become lost due to all roadsigns in the area simply detailing the price of potatoes. United were forced to play them in exchange for directions, which consisted of talk of trees, farms and various ?punches?? they never arrived and Norwich were awarded the victory by default. Even so, this is still not the easiest three points Norwich City have had from Ipswich.

7) George Burley was once Manager of the club (or as it?s known locally, the ?punchy punch of the punch?) and it is thought his alleged penchant for womanising and drinking started there. His drinking naturally started first, as the women of the area are not favourably-endowed, or punchy, as it?s known.

8) This is not the first time the Mighty Rams have sent missionary help to the village; Russell Osman, originally from Repton in Derbyshire, formed a church there in the mid-Eighties and went on to introduce John Wark to the film industry, co-starring alongside him in the Christmas Classic ?Escape to Victory?. In that film, Sylvester Stallone played a more capable goalkeeper than their present first choice Richard Wright.

9) In 1990, Portman Road was the first ground to adopt the recommendations of the Taylor Report and became the first all-seater when a three-seater sofa was placed behind the northern goal. Since then two deckchairs and a Lay-Z-Boy have been added, taking the capacity to a staggering 53.

10) Potatoes come in many varieties, including reds AND whites apparently, but I don?t know much about that because I mainly eat prepared stuff and didn?t even know they grew in the ground ?til I researched this.

I hope everyone finds this guide useful and has a safe and happy trip to Ipswich Town FC. As usual, I?ll waive my copyright and you may cut this out to help you on your journey.

Posted By: Tony Martin, Dec 2, 13:51:21