Jeremy Spake

AIR-KARMA

Twelve years after he shot to what he presumably called "fame" on fly-on-the-wall documentary series 'Airport', Jeremy Spake is now firmly back in the vacuous world he came from, working on the BA desk at Heathrow's Terminal 5 at 6:45am on Saturday just gone.

Our mole, returning to Manchester from Florida, was scheduled to have a six hour wait for her connecting flight at JFK to LHR. The lovely Virgin Atlantic people simply offered her an earlier flight and arranged for her bags to be switched accordingly. (FYI, Busta Rhymes and entourage occupied most of first class and premium economy on said flight).

Arriving at Heathrow at 6:45am well early for her 13.15 flight to Manchester, our mole made her way to the BA desk to see if she could join the 7.40am or 10.40am shuttle to save a six-hour wait in the lovely new Terminal 5. Lo and behold, none other than failed and forgotten TV not-at-all gay Jeremy Spake squealed "Next in line!" in her direction, beckoning her with a Dale Winton-esque, 'step right up, my loves' hand gesture.

Mole: "Hi, I've got in really early from JFK and I'm supposed to be on the 13.15 to Manchester. Is there any chance I...."

JS: "No. No. Nope. NOPE. No. We can not do it. Your bags are tagged to go straight through to the connecting flight at 13.15. No. Can. Do."

Mole: "Can't you just pull the bags and..."

JS: "Look, honey, there's 40,000 bags down there, are we really going to go looking for yours?" whined Spake, waving a be-jewelled sausage finger.

Mole: "Well, they did it without batting an eyelid at JFK, where I imagine there were slightly more than 40,000 bags going on. But oh, never mind, looks like you only help out when the cameras are rolling... Ten years ago."

Spake's coiffured goatee twitched tetchily as he silently handed over the boarding pass for the 13.15 and our mole huffed off muttering in his earshot: "Spake.. Pah... Lose the E..."

Posted By: Arizona Bay, Sep 23, 17:06:52