"Kl y did ya leave palace 4 ya sick still holla bk"

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A PALACE COUP ... FOR SPURS

The Fiver loves it when bad things happen to Crystal Palace. It's not that we've got anything against the Eagles, far from it, it's just that whenever the club takes one below the belt, it means that our day is brightened - literally and metaphorically - by the appearance of Simon Jordan on our TV screens. Today, he's furious that Spurs have been ordered to pay a paltry ?700,000 up front for John Bostock, the 16-year-old midfielder who broke into the Palace side last season and, according to Jordan (always one to underplay these things), "is being chased by Barcelona, Arsenal, Manchester United and Chelsea".

"I feel mugged and brutalised, it is scandalous, and this sends a message to smaller clubs," raged the Tango-tinged Crystal Palace chairman, spittle flecking reporters' notebooks. "It's beyond me and it makes me question why I bother with football. I have an academy who have produced a world-class footballer for someone else and got paid two-and-sixpence for it."

You only need look at today's other transfer news to see that, as is actually-more-often-the-case-than-you-would-think, Jordan does have a point. Portsmouth are forking out 15? John Bostocks to buy one Peter Crouch and Villa, having agreed to pay Chelsea seven John Bostocks for Steve Sidwell, are demanding a whopping 25.7 John Bostocks for a Gareth Barry. Transfer fees provide sustenance for smaller clubs to survive on and Palace have been left with little more than a Scotch egg and an on-the-turn vol-au-vent.

While Jordan stuck with the old-fashioned technique of ranting like a mad man of the moors to newspapers and broadcasters until the corners of his mouth were filled with froth, Palace fans have been following Ashley-Paul Robinson's lead and expressing their feelings through the power of the social networking site. Needless to say, Bostock has been inundated with messages of support.

Posted By: Arizona Bay, Jul 9, 16:58:20