Tee hee

Just had this from Virgin Wine: had me fooled right up to the very last line, which is clearly ridiculous!



Tuesday, 1st April 2008, 08:26 GMT
BREAKING NEWS
‘DARLING HELD HOSTAGE OVER £1.45 A BOTTLE DUTY’
French wine rebels known as L'Association du Défenseur National du Vin Français a Hors Prix have kidnapped Chancellor Alistair Darling over his recent decision to increase duty to £1.45 a bottle. The anonymous French group say the Chancellor’s latest move will wipe out the successful export of over-priced, fancy, French wines in to the UK.

Monsieur Orange
The export of over-priced, fancy, French wines to the UK is worth Billions of Euros to thousands of French farmers. Now the increase in duty to £1.45 a bottle is set to put an end to it all.

A group of authoritative French wine industry figureheads have grouped together in an effort to save their heritage. They call themselves L'Association du Défenseur National du Vin Français a Hors Prix and their first act of protest is yet to raise any concern for No 10.

The leader of L'Association du Défenseur National du Vin Français a Hors Prix, who calls himself Monsieur Orange, says that French wine sales have dropped considerably over the last few years and that this latest hike in duty to £1.45 a bottle will only help to reduce their UK exports. Monsieur Orange says they will be holding the Chancellor until such time as UK sales of French wine increase.

Get More Wine For Your Money

But, many UK experts say that sales of over-priced, fancy, French wines in the UK have been in decline for many years and that the recent increase in duty to £1.45 a bottle is just one of many factors which will challenge France’s so far successful export of over-priced fancy wines in to the UK.

Rowan Gormley, Founder and CEO of Europe's largest online wine retailer, Virgin Wines, comments "UK wine drinkers have slowly been moving away from over-priced, fancy, French wines for years. An ever-strengthening Euro and a continuously weak Dollar means consumers can get more wine for their pennies from countries like Chile, Argentina and South Africa. Plus, UK wine drinkers know more now about how to get the most from their wine wallet than they did 10 years ago. Unfortunately for the French, their wine industry is just too outdated for the average UK consumer. People simply aren’t interested in being seen buying the 'right' Chateau anymore. And they won’t be fooled in to paying over the odds for a fancy label. We would always advise our customers to try a good £7-£10 South African Cabernet Sauvignon before forking out £20 for a Bordeaux."


What £4.99 a bottle will get you



Virgin Wines Launch Counter-Campaign

Gormley goes further to say "The hike in duty to £1.45 a bottle is a concern for everyone. With the cost of dry goods rising globally, wine prices are set to soar. Unfortunately, following the Euro’s success, it is European wines, French especially, that will see the brunt of these increases.

"We are as upset as anyone about the Chancellor's latest budget and we're not bothered about seeing him released from captivity any time soon. In fact, we have launched our own Don't Free Darling, Don’t Drink French campaign. We are urging our customers NOT to buy French wine in an effort to keep Darling in the hands of L'Association du Défenseur National du Vin Français a Hors Prix. The last thing we need is the Chancellor back in the community. After this latest stunt, who knows what he might do next.

"We have even put together a special Don't Free Darling, Don’t Drink French case ready for customers wanting to join our campaign. 12 non-French wines, all guaranteed to give top value for money. And to soften the blow of the £1.45 a bottle duty, we’ve discounted these cases by up to 29%."

No. 10 Not Concerned

A, surprising reaction from No. 10 would suggest that Monsieur Orange could be stuck with Alistair Darling for a while. As news broke this morning of Darling’s kidnap the Prime Minister looked unusually cool and collected, waving at waiting photographers. Mr Brown's Press Secretary appeared moments later with Mr Brown’s statement, looking very sheepish as she read “Chancellors are 10 a penny, plus VAT of course. We certainly won’t be giving in to these terrorists.”

More worryingly, Mr Brown is rumoured to already be interviewing his Ministers for the position of Chancellor. With Jacqui Smith being bookie’s favourite.

Chaos at Felixstowe

Such is the furore surrounding the hike of duty to £1.45 a bottle, the Virgin Wines’ Don’t Free Darling, Don’t Drink French campaign has spread to unexpected extremes. Supermarkets are reported to have removed all French wine off their shelves, and ships carrying container loads of French wine are being turned away at Felixstowe.

Whatever the L'Association du Défenseur National du Vin Français a Hors Prix original intentions were, Monsieur Orange certainly didn’t expect the UK Government and public to turn their back on Mr Darling. Upset and confused, Monsieur Orange told VW News, “This is ridiculous. What am I to do now? First you people don’t buy my wine, then you leave me with this pale Englishman. I never imagined you English would just abandon Monsieur Darling like this. I am ruined, I am ruined.”

Reported by A. Prilfool


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Posted By: Partial Angler, Apr 1, 10:07:27