These:

On Richard Langley’s rehabilitation
'He's been out for a year and Richard Langley is still six months away from being Richard Langley and I could do with a fully fit Richard Langley.'
On staying at Loftus Road
“This is our cave, and I like living in it.”

On axing players from the squad
"When the water stands still in the pond, it starts to stink.”

On helping Doudou’s homesickness
"What we've all got to do is pick him up, slap him around and make him feel welcome."

On Danny Shittu
"He's the quickest thing we've got, and an absolute animal.”

On this season
"I don't want to be patient - I want promotion this season”

On Ollyisms!
“I got them from my father who had more sayings than you can hang your hat on!” (Thanks to A1)

On QPR’s days in the Premiership
“If the club was a chocolate bar, it would have licked itself”

On the state of the club at present.
"The club isn't on solid ground - it's like I'm on a block of ice. I don't know whether I'm going to go through it, or slide off." (Thanks to CoastalHoop)

On the clubs potential
"I call us the Orange club - because our future's bright!"

On QPR generally
"This is the peoples club and everybody can have a piece of that pie - a pie that's already smelling beautifully"

On Jerome Thomas
"I call him ronseal, he does exactly what it says on the tin. He's an out and out winger." (Thanks to QPRMatt)

On The Clubs financial position
'It's like the film Men in Black. I walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where I've had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but I feel we've got hold of the galaxy now......it's in our hands.'' (Thanks to Neasden Hoop)

On finally coming out of administration
"As a club, we are out of hospital now and we are looking forward to the convalescence and being fighting fit for the future"


SEASON 2002-2003

On the promotion race
"There's going to be one almighty run-in at the end – one almighty sprint for the post. We've got 16 games to go now and I'd say that's about 500 yards of the 'race' to go. It's going to be one hell of a battle. It's going to be ugly,"
On the dodgy linesman away at Bristol City:
“It was lucky that the linesman wasn't stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake!” (Thanks to CoastalHoop)

On the teams attitude this season
"We've got to be solid and horrible to break down, I don't want to be southern softies!" (Thanks to CoastalHoop)

On players being sold while the club was in administration
"When we seemed to be dying, we were a carcass and the vultures came and fed off our bones"

On playing Richard Langley in a central role
"I know everyone screams that he should play in the middle and I'm no nugget! I know what job he can do there"

On QPR's resilient attitude of late
"We're no longer the flitty farty QPR"

On the effect Sky TV camera's would have on our players
"Well a few of them have had their hair done".

During his radio five live pre-match teamtalk
"I want you to bad rash them"

On how he feels after beating Bristol City twice
"I'm like a swan. I look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad"

On whether we can still get automatic promotion
'I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds - you just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right.'

On Richard Langley's goal celebration at Blackpool
"He over-elaborated with his celebration - he looked like a chicken stick"

On playing defensive players in midfield
"It’s all very well having a great pianist playing but it’s no good if you haven’t got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play!"

On the good fortune the club has enjoyed of late
"It's as if we've picked up the Titanic from the bottom of the ocean, turned it round and pointed it in the right direction".

After the play off final defeat
"Its one of my proudest days in football, but I've caught the bouquet again, I'm always the bridesmaid" (thanks to Clanc)


SEASON 2003-2004

After the "ugly" win against Chesterfield
"To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much lets have a coffee"
After the Barnsley win
"My day didn't start very well... the Holloway household was very sad this morning, we had to have our dog put down unfortunately but that's life. I've just said to the lads, you're born and you die on a date, you've got to work on the dash in the middle"
(thanks to Clive Seymour)

On the denied penalty at Grimsby
"Everyone was laughing because if that was not a penalty then what was? I think my wife even saw that and she's down in St Albans listening to the radio!"
(thanks to Colin Gibson)

On being linked with the Millwall job
"Do you believe everything you read in the Sun? They've got some nice tits in that paper"

When asked if we would beat Manchester City
"I am a football manager I cant see into the future. Last year I thought I was going to Cornwall on my holidays but I ended up going to Lyme Regis"

On the linesman not giving the foul for City's first goal
“As far as I’m concerned - I’m from Bristol and so is that lad - and he got it wrong.”

On the abuse Gino Padula gets from away fans
"Everyone calls him a gypsy but I can assure you he doesn't live in a caravan. He has a house with foundations"

On strikers
"You can say that strikers are very much like postmen: they have to get in and out as quick as they can before the dog starts to have a go."

On strikers (still)
"I always say that scoring goals is like driving a car. When the striker is going for goal, he's pushing down that accelerator, so the rest of the team has to come down off that clutch. If the clutch and the accelerator are down at the same time, then you are going to have an accident."

After beating Brighton
If you can keep your noses in front at the end, that's what counts. It's been said that I have a bit of a Roman nose and I am keeping it ahead at the moment. Hopefully it's all about the length of your hooter because I might be in front at the end of the season as well

On Loftus Road's negative fans
"Most of our fans get behind us and are fantastic but those who don't should shut the hell up or they can come round to my house and I will fight them"

After the Notts County Game
"We need a big, ugly defender. If we had one of them we'd have dealt with County's first goal by taking out the ball, the player and the first three rows of seats in the stands" (thanks to Little Matt)

After the 4-1 win at Hartlepool
"I've had a week from hell, I'm trying to learn how to relax. I'm now going to enjoy this, take my brain out and stick it in an ice bucket."

On Danny Shittu's operation
"The doctor grafted a bit of Danny's hamstring onto his knee, but that wont be a problem for him, he's got more hamstring than the rest of the squad put together." (thanks to George)

When asked if Thorpe's chance at Bristol City had gone in....
"If is a big word, if I had long hair I could be a rock star"

On the promotion run in
"The fat lady might be picking the mic up but I can't hear her signing yet"

On the thrill of gaining promotion
"It's like when I was a kid waiting for santa to turn up worried whether I'd been good enough, To then see he has and he's given you a few toys - this is even better than that feeling. That excitement and exhilaration when you open the door and can see the presents - this is even better than that."

On how he felt after the final whistle at Sheffield Weds
"They say that every dog has his day and today is woof day. That might sound crazy but I want to go and bark!"

On what the club has achieved this season
"We've picked the ship up off the bottom of the ocean, plugged a few leaks and we're floating on the top. Now we want to turn around and sail off into the sunset"


SEASON 2004-2005

On our performance during a pre-season friendly
"When you play with wingers you look a bit like a taxi with both doors open, anyone can get in or out"
On big man Georges Santos
"He's a big lad, he can clean out your guttering without standing on a ladder"

When asked how much he earned as a player, compared to Rooney
"Not enough to go to brothels"

On QPR's bad start to the season
"In football, there is no definite lifespan or time span for a manager. After a while you start smelling of fish. The other week it looked like I was stinking of Halibut!" (thanks to Pipes)

On being in the top ten
"Who would have thought a few weeks ago that we would be sitting in this position now? It's like the song, 'wait a minute, it stopped hailing, guys are swimming, gals are sailing.' I love that song"

On coming back from two down to beat Leicester 3-2
"I was up and down like Zebedee from the Magic Roundabout"

On the height of our defence against Leicester
"We had a monster team out there, all the big guys, the roof inspectors as I call them"

On easing Danny Shittu back from injury
"The games are coming thick and fast for him. I've told him to go down to Iceland and ask if he can sit in one of their freezers."

On the teams bouncebackability
"We are the kind of team that will get back into the match if you do not kill us off. It's like putting a snake in a bag, if you do not tie it up, it will wriggle free"

On dreams of the club reaching the top of the Premiership
"Yeh and I'm six foot four with the biggest willy in the world"

On taking the club forward
"We've got a job to do here, Rome wasn't built in a day and if you've ever been to Rome you would know that - it's a beautiful city and I want to make this club beautiful again"

On the cancelled scouting trip to Brazil
"That's been put on ice. I've lost my passport too. If anyone's seen it I'd like it back, it's not Golem in there, I look minging"

On going through a poor run of form
"I feel so unlucky at the moment, if I fell into a barrow of boobs I'd come out sucking my thumb"

On the push for the play offs
"I have told my players they need to have the constitution of a police horse"

On building for the future
"We're not instant coffee here, this is long term and I want to help lift our brand even higher"

On the current squads looks!
"My lot are the ugliest team ever to have worn the blue and white hoops - we certainly don't sell many calendars! In my playing days we had some right good looking bastards. But this lot are the worst I have ever seen! They all look like dogs"

On the reporter who asked Danny Shittu if he'd like to play for a Premiership club
"Whoever that was, I'd like to pull his pants down and slap him on the arse like I used to do to my kids. Apparently I'm not even allowed to do that any more otherwise I'll have the health and safety on to me giving it the old 'hello'."


SEASON 2005-2006

On new signing Stefan Moore's pace
"He’ll chase paper bags in the wind in the park for you all day long" (thanks to Jess Unwin)
On moving into the new training ground
"I feel like Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I've won a golden ticket. I guess that makes Bill and Gianni the Willy Wonka of the set-up"

On leaving Twyford Avenue
"We no longer have to share with big rugby players, I was so excited driving in this morning I almost cried."

On Footballers being like cars
“Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.”
(thanks to Norman Monkey)

On managers being like car dealers
“The problem is if someone likes the motor your driving and they're from a big club they can just come in and nick yer keys. There's nothing you can do as they drive off in your prized possession.”
(thanks to Norman Monkey)

On Marc Nygaard
“My wife said he was a fine looking fellow of a man. I might have to get a QPR shirt with his name on it to wear to bed to make sure my she still gives me some attention.”
(thanks to Norman Monkey)

On our style of play
"People say, we've got to play the beautiful game at QPR, well, the beautiful game is winning and sometimes you have to be 6ft 5in and head the bloody thing out of your box."

On Jose Mourinho
”Look at the prickly little fella down the road at Chelsea. He wants to win everything and we can learn from that. If there were two flies crawling up the wall he'd be desperate to back the winner”

One letting Pete Doherty train with the R’s
”Anybody who is a QPR fan is welcome at Loftus Road. I'd be happy for him to turn up for a kickabout, just so long as he brings that Kate Moss with him - she's absolutely lovely.”

On being thwarted in the transfer market
"I've tried to bring in players on loan but I just get custard pies in my face. I'm sick of the taste of custard."

On a new training technique
"We are all going to walk across a pit of coals and someone will teach us how to do it. I hope they will because I can't even walk on hot sand"

After beating Cardiff 1-0 at Loftus Road
"I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season."

Posted By: malkybarkid, Feb 15, 12:43:54