Alternative, for old times' sake

Toss off some pancetta, throw in three badger stools, the tears of a f**king lark, the fourth and seventy-third longest hairs in the tail of a grey stallion, four f**king quarts of water, two lemons, an over-ripe plum, a goldfish and five melons. Do the shake'n'vac and put the freshness back, and clean right round the bend - even at today's low temperatures.

Then open a new bottle of your fourth best filthy slut olive oil, carefully place your lips round the top and then invert the bottle, drinking it down in one. While you wait for the inevitable vomiting and weeks of oily s**ts, pop down Budgens and get a jar of Hartley's. You little tiger!

Posted By: Jamie Oliver, Jul 23, 14:01:06