BREAKING NEWS

(From this month's WSC)

Under-fire McClaren blasts Under-fire McClaren

In a move that will stun troubled England boss Steve McClaren, troubled England boss Steve McClaren became the latest heavy-hitter to call for the head of troubled England boss Steve McClaren. Denying accusations of being a spin-driven populist desperate to court public approval, a relaxed McClaren set out the reasons why he believed he must go now.

"Sure, I've listened to what the people have said" the former Middlesboro coach told reporters before suddenly smiling for no apparent reason. "And I have to say I agree. There comes a time when you've just got to take a good look in the mirror, apply some volumising mousse to your russet-streaked heair, hold up your hands and say "Yes, whatever it is you want me to say, I'll say it"."

The beleaguered England number one revealed that his sensational come-and-fire-me plea - as approved by his handlers and media-liason officer - was backed up by typically meticulous research. "I've left no stone unturned. Some of the advances in this sport in recent years are frightning. I've been talking to nutritionists, cardiologists, trichologists. They've all told me the same thing: please leave me alone. And please take that funny little chap with the wiry hair who keeps winking at me and saying I can call him "Tel"...

Posted By: Iwan Husarmi, Mar 24, 20:34:30