Cooking Hell

(Moly)

A mole recently overheard a executive TV producer spouting off loudly about her new project, which will be hitting our screens like a pigeon flying into a very clean window (and with much the same inspiration and wisdom).

Delia Smith is getting 'sexed-up' in her next series. She won't just be standing in her mumsy kitchen staring at eggs and wondering where it all went wrong. No, the plan is to film the new series on how to crack an egg (and then f**k about with some herbs and other ingredients that no sane person would have to hand) in "a Jamie Oliver type of way". Maybe they'll numb her mouth with injections so that she even speaks in the same fat-tongued way.

Delia will be followed by a documentary crew, a la Jamie, and shown attending Norwich City matches, browsing for ingredients in both Threshers AND Oddbins and eventually making dishes for faux friends who in all probability will be wife-swapping accountants from Swaffham and 12-fingered inbreds from King's Lynn who ended up marrying themselves.

All this while a fuelled-up Delia roars, "Let's be 'aving yer!" from behind a mound of empties.

Actually, we'd probably watch that...

Posted By: Arizona Bay, Mar 23, 14:00:02