Holy Moly (a bit s**t, but topical)

The Wigga Man

You don't get much more 'street' than Tim Westwood. Down with the homeys, totally fly and son of the former Anglican Bishop of Peterborough. Read my lips you b***hes or I'll take you to my crib and give you lashings of altar wine!

There's still a great mystery surrounding Tim. Not "Why is he alive?" but "Who shot (and only f**king wounded) Tim Westwood in 1999?"

Current prime suspect is Afrika Bambaataa, hip hop pioneer and founder of a notorious Savage Seven street gang, later to become the even-more-notorious Black Spades. Though he founded the Zulu Nation, which encouraged musicianship over street violence, it still seems possible that Westwood's patronizing patois may have driven Bambaataa hip-hopping mad.

Not to mention quite a few furious independent promoters on the hip hop circuit who had tolerated Tim's (Norwich-based) urban rantings for quite long enough, and made use of some gangster connections to fund a wake-up call for the sleep-inducing shouter.

"Yeah, this is a shout out to my man Afrika. Shoot that vicar-lovin' Wigga!"

Posted By: Arizona Bay, Feb 2, 16:13:21