This is something I looked into, a few years ago

I had this idea for abusive or offensive greetings cards: ones which actually speak to you. You know, like you can get ones which play a tune, now?

So I got a bunch of mates together, one in the printing trade and another who used to be a rep for Birthdays. My idea was that as soon as someone in a factory or warehouse opens a card and it tells him he's a f**king dick, he'll be looking to send one straight back - and probably send others to others of his mates, too.

We were going to start off gentle, with cards a football fan could send to his scummer mate: say, after this year's derby, your scum mate might send you a card which sang the score at you when you opened it. Then, building on that, we were going to launch the You're A Fat Cunt range.

However, we were aware that there might be legal difficulties over the Distribution of Offensive Materials thing, so I spoke to a lawyer. Typically he was a s**t about it: I asked for guidelines as to what we could and couldn't say, how far we might be allowed to go, how likely we'd be to escape prosecution if we put the right sort of disclaimer in the right place and so on - but he was clearly looking only to make money, and said we'd have to agree all of our designs with him one-at-a-time, and even then he wouldn't guarantee he'd be able to keep us safe.

Then I fell out bigly with one of the lads, and the whole thing wrapped up. I still have a load of the designs - so if anyone else likes the idea of a "Two-nil, two-nil" singing card, remember where you heard it first.......

Posted By: Sugbad The Bad, Dec 23, 19:37:17