Rather offensive joke

A priest is in his confessional one day, taking the confessions of his parishoners, when the door opens and shuts, and a male voice says "Bless me Father, for I have sinned"

"Tell me of your sin" replies the priest, leafing through the racing pages

"Father, I have spent 2 nights this week having wild pre-marital sex with a newcomer to my Fanny Green, who has just moved to our street"

"I haven't heard of this Fanny Green before" says the priest "But say 5 Hail Marys and 3 Our Fathers and you shall be forgiven. You must resist temptation in the future, or fear for your soul!"

"Yes Father" says the man, leaving to do his penance.

Shortly after, as the priest is looking over the runners for the 4:15 at Haydock, the confessional door opens and closes and a male voice says "Bless me Father, for I have sinned"

"Tell me of your sin" replies the priest

"Father, I have the last 2 days this week breaking my marriage vows with Fanny Green, a woman who has just moved in up the road. What's worse is that I called in sick at work to do so, I just couldn't help myself!"

"Fanny Green, eh?" says the priest "The breaking of your marriage vows is most serious, and the lies compound the matter. You must say 10 Hail Marys and 5 Our Fathers. Then you must make restitution to your employer and to your poor wife! Only then shall you be forgiven."

"Yes Father" says the man, leaving to do his penance.

Just as the priest returns to his paper, the confessional door opens and closes and a male voice says "Bless me Father, for I have sinned"

"Tell me of your sin" replies the priest

"Father, I have just spent 3 nights of shameful lust with a woman who has just moved into the parish. She came over to say "hello" and I just couldn't stop myself!"

"Not Fanny Green!" says the priest

"Yes Father" is the reply "you've heard of her, then?"

"Heard of her, yes. I haven't met this woman yet, but I can see that I will have to speak to her!"

"She's easy to spot" said the penitent "Body of a goddess, long blonde hair, and tends to wear green a lot."

"I shall look out for this woman" says the priest "But you must look out for your soul! To that end, say 7 Hail Marys and 5 Our Fathers, and with a donation to charity you shall be forgiven."

"Yes Father" says the man, leaving to do his penance.

The next day is Sunday, and as the priest is preparing for the service, he thinks "I shall see this Green woman later and tell her to behave herself"

But halfway through the sermon, the church door opens and in walks a tall blonde woman on 6-inch heels, body of a goddess, in a tight sheathe dress which only just covers her bum. She struts to the front, every male eye on her, and sits down on a pew in front of the priest. Flustered, he manages to bring the sermon to a close and starts the congregation on a hymn. As they start to sing, the woman has a wicked smile on her face and slowly opens her legs. The priest loosens his collar and calls to one of the alterboys.

"Boy....boy!"

The alter boy, blushing furiously, drags his eyes off the woman. "Yes, Father?"

"Tell me, boy" says the priest, "Down there in the front row, is that Fanny Green?"

"No, Father" says the alter boy.

"I think it's just the reflection off her shoes"

Posted By: Iwan Husarmi, Dec 11, 19:46:13