Place a hamster in a prominent position on the floor where they are bound to see it

Then as they inevitably bend over and go "coochy coochy coo", strike them on the back of the head with a large tortoise (oriented so the shell of the tortoise impacts the intruder's skull, rather than the soft fleshy underpart, which might give a squishy-splatty effect and not the desired bumpy outcome).

Of course this requires use of the Company Hamster and Company Tortoise. I assume that at short notice and in extremis you can obtain same without excessive form filling and managerial approval.

If not then you're screwed.

Posted By: Partial Angler, Dec 5, 19:04:36