FAO Old Git

Git, I'm *certain* it was you who defended Peter Thorne against my tirades all those months. I'm sure it was you, in the chatroom when Thorne scored his one and only League goal for us against Watford, going "Can you hear Otto sing? Nooooo" and telling me that Thorne really wasn't all that bad.

More evidence came when I bumped into Peter on the high street in Norwich recently. I asked him why he always looked so sad and forlorn when he played football, and he just said,

"Oh ... it's Old Git ... once he loved me, and serenaded me with love songs about my 3-yard free header against Watford. But since that c*nt 'Ottosson Foxtrot' wrote his match report about that game at Crystal Palace, he's stopped returning my calls, and goes on that horrible 'Wrath of the Barclay' claiming he never liked me at all.

"I heard him in the men's room at Carrow Road the other day, going on for hours about how Dion Dublin changed the game at Loftus Road, and about his enormous wang that he likes to caress after a tough day in the courtroom.

"Why doesn't he love me any more, oh sweet long-haired youth? I can't play football knowing that the Git is far away, dreaming of Dion and his impudent smile."

"What about Pants?" I tried to console him. "He thinks you're super-swell."

"Oh", cried Peter. "He never even wants to see me play. I call him up, telling him that if he comes down from York he can watch me in action, and then maybe I'll cook him dinner or show him a film like 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?' but he just mutters something about the New Fast Automatic Daffodils doing a secret reunion gig in town and then puts down the phone."

Do you see what you've done, Old Git? You've broken this man. I watched him sidle off, unable to console him further as he broke into floods of girlish tears.

You, truly, are a BULLY.

Posted By: Ottosson Foxtrot, Oct 17, 23:39:39