The best thing on ITV is Champions League Weekly.

I know this because I write the scripts myself. Here's a brief extract:

(Shot of Viennese caf?s)

NARRATOR: Vienna is a city of contrasts. It's a city of caf?s, classical music and opera.

(Shot of some building with a swastika on it or something)

But it's also a city with a dark past.

(Back to the caf?s)

It also plays host to Rapid Vienna, Austria's top club, who this week take on Inter Milan in Group B. We caught up with Rapid captain Friedrich von Scheissenb?rger, who talked us through the big game.

(Cut to generic shot of Teutonic footballer against black background. Cue interpreter)

GENERIC VOICE-OVER: Of course, it's going to be difficult. Inter Milan are a good team, and have some good players. They have Zanetti, Toldo and Figo, so they're no pushover.

But we have spirit, belief and determination. We have a good coach, and some good players of our own. So if we play well, we think we can get a result.

(Cut)

NARRATOR: Liverpool is a city of contrasts ...

I also ghost-write Nigel Worthington's interviews in the Pinkun, if anyone is interested.

Posted By: Ottosson Foxtrot, Jun 6, 14:02:40