An email I am sending to Simon Jordan....

Dear Mr. Jordan,

I wish to apply for the position of manager of Crystal Palace Football Club. I have a lovely smile (nicer than Andrew Johnson's), decent hair (more than Iain Dowie) and a finer appreciation of wine and Jose Mourinho. Regrettably I will not be able to take up the job until the 29th of June after I've finished my A levels. Assuming I pass them, my command of the English language will be better than any of your players with the exception of Riihilahti; I took A level art and I have wonderful creative instincts; I believe that footballers should be well-rounded athletes, as such, I will send my players for instructions in swimming and diving (where necessary).

I have a wealth of experience: I have been a car park attendant twice; I can fully appreciate the position of Gabor Kiraly.

Yours sincerely,

Robert R

P.S. I don't have any connections with Birmingham City and I don't see dildos for a living ala David Sullivan

Posted By: iwans_ex_dentist, May 30, 14:53:40