A panda goes into a restuarant and orders a salad.

When he has finished eating, he shoots his waiter. When the waiter asks the panda why he shot him, the panda tells him to look it up the dictionary. The waiter finds the entry for "panda".

Pandas: A mammal native to southeast asia. Eats the roots of the bamboo plant.

A duck buys a tube of Lipsbalm at the Chemists.
The assistant asks "Will that be cash or chargecard?"
The duck replies "Just bill me later".

A bartender regularly entertained his patrons by bringing out a little man about one foot tall, who played a tiny piano on top of the bar. He took requests, sang, and played beautifully, much to the patrons' delight. When asked, the bartender would tell the story of how a genie came to him and told him he would grant any one wish. The bartender asked the genie for a twelve-inch piano player.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, "that must be bothering you." The pirate says, "yarrrr, it's driving me crazy."

Two men walking down the road spotted a dog licking himself. "I wish I could do that," said the first guy.
"Do what?" asked the second.
"Lick my own balls," said the first.
"Yeah," replied the second. "That would really rock."

Descartes went into a bar and ordered a drink.
The bartender asked, "Would you like another?"
"No, thank you," said Descartes.
Then he left.

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office completely naked, wrapped in clingfilm. The psychiatrist looks up and says, "Due to the transparent nature of that cellophane, your testicles are plainly visible."

Posted By: Tomblander, May 3, 11:35:48