How David Blaine will get Norwich Automatic Promtion

David Blaine is currently in a large see-through ball filled with water. He has a snorkel. He will be doing this for the next few days. Blaine is very unpopular but always captures the publics attention with his incredible feats of daring-do. The highlight of his latest stunt will be when he attempts to break the record for holding ones breath under water, he will also be in handcuffs. I am sure David Blaine will succeed in this challenge and be seen as being a role model for the billions around the world that swim about in huge balls of water with a snorkel every day.

I would be very suprised if Delia didn't call Mr Blaine after his death defying water antics and suggest a fresh challenge. Here is what will happen and it will ultimately lead to Norwich City gaining automatic promotion.

David Blaine will spend a whole season watching the Canaries, home and away, in his giant water ball. He will have his goggles glued to the ball so that he has to watch every last second of every Norwich match. He cannot eat match pies whilst he is submerged. A specially made podium will be errected in the Directors box and before each home game spectators will marvel as Blaine, in his yellow and green swimming trunks, gets in his ball. During the winter months this feat of endurance will really test the dour American.

David Blaine's freakish orb act will also be taken on Norwich City's away travels, so fans the length and breadth of the country can taunt him too. He will be made to watch every second of every Norwich away match from his superglued goggles, submerged in liquid.

"Why?" I hear you ask. Because it will be the spark needed to get Norwich playing again. Imagine the scene, Norwich are losing 3-1 away to Southend. Roy Waller has just said to the listeners:-

"There's definately a commotion coming from the Blaine ball Neil, He's wriggling about in there, trying to free himself of his goggles, I don't think he can watch anymore of this."

In the dressing room at half-time Worthington is giving his team talk:-

"Listen, it's not just yourselves and the fans that you're letting down, it's that man out there in a giant ball of water. Imagine how he feels watching you play that badly? Go out there and win this for him. Win it for the American in yellow and green trunks watching the game through a giant liquid ball."

They will, of course, go out there and win it, it will end 5-3 to Norwich, oh what a game. Riddled with guilt and feeling Blaine's intense goggle stare from his lofty perch at every game will spur them on. At the end of the match David Blaine is there in his ball, swimming like a happy dolphin. On 'Canary Call' Trevor from Wroxham will call in.

"I was sceptical at first Neil, after Worthington's other poor sigh-nuns like Dixon Etooo-hooo and Carl Robinson I thought 'why's he sigh-nun David Blaine?', but the lads done brilliant. What do yew think Neil?".

As the final whistle blows to signal Norwich's last game of the season Blaine gets out of his aqua-ball for the last time, the fans sing a new version of an old classic "On the Blaine City!" and as it rings out around Carrow Road he joins the team for their lap of honour with the Championship trophy. Sadly though Blaine will be signed by Real Madrid during the close season and spend the next year in a ball in Spain. However Norwich sign Paul Daniels in the January transfer window....

Posted By: pingers, May 3, 10:13:27