Alt Restaurant Review: Middleton's Steak House......

The wife dropped me off very near to Middleton's Steak House. I told her to drive around to try to find a parking space then meet me in the restaurant.

Upon arrival I was shown to a table by Kate Middleton. I gave her a bunch of flowers that I had hand-picked myself whilst my next-door neighbour was out at work.

My wife arrived and took off her coat. The restaurant manager asked her to put it back on due to complaints from all the other wives in the restaurant.

Kate Middleton explained that tonight she had a special 2-for-1 offer. I politely declined and promised her that I wouldn't tell the Sunday newspapers about it.

My wife ordered the Surf 'n' Turf. I asked for Back, Sack 'n' Crack. I was told that wasn't available so I ordered the Scampi.

My wife and I then talked for ages, well she did.

Kate served the main courses. First impressions were disappointing. The Surf 'n' Turf contained no surf or turf. Kate asked "Is everything alright?". "No it isn't" I replied. "My Scampi Fries are not even in a bag. These are clearly not Scampi Fries. This is some-kind of weird seafood nuggets with thin chips. Scampi Fries should be crispy squares in a yellow packet, and they should smell like a residential home with no windows in the height of summer". Kate apologised for any confusion and sent one of her Royal security team to fetch a packet of Scampi Fries from the pub across the road.

Kate Middleton asked if I would like to see the cheese board. She brought over a selection of cheeses. I told her "Yeah, I suppose it does look bored, thanks for showing it to me".

I said "Kate, you are clearly not right for the restaurant business. You should stick to being the future Queen of England.

As were were leaving, Kate offered us a dogging bag. Kate is certainly persistent, I'll give her that.

Ratings:

Service: 4/10 I've been served by better princesses.
Food: I don't know cos I didn't eat any.

Posted By: Larry Hagman, Jan 22, 19:43:44