My Alternative Restaurant Reviews Continued.... Brummells......

Brummells Seafood Restaurant is where people from the Midlands go to dispose of their old curtains and pay their respects to dead fish.

The interior is reminiscent of a gangsters undertakers during prohibition in 1920s America. The likes of Bugsy Mallone, Al Capone, and Jason Donovan have probably all been here to plan their escapades and post-Kylie careers.

A mermaid showed me to a good table next to the door to the toilets. A stench of urine and blue toilet blocks wafted my way whenever people opened the door. I felt at home.

I was reassured by the words on the front of the menu 'All of the fish in this restaurant has been caught from water'.

I knew I was in a quality establishment so I sat-up straight and put a toilet paper handkerchief in the top pocket of my Iron Maiden denim jacket.

I opted for the Special of the Day - Fish in a delicate fish sauce with fragrant fish and fish.

I asked the waiter, Nemo, to recommend a wine to accompany my meal. Of course I ignored his advice. I'm not stupid! The waiter returned and placed my pint of wine upon the table. I took a sip. It was immediately obvious that he had forgotten to add the twenty six spoons of sugar that I had requested. Their mistake was promptly rectified, once I had started to undo my trousers to make room for the main course.

The main fish course arrived but I had to send it back because it looked like a fish. I asked "Would you mind making the fish look less like a fish, and fetch another pint of wine, please."

The fish arrived back minus its head, tail and fins. "That's better, but where's it's coat?" I asked. "There's no batter or breadcrumb coating. Fish without batter is like Queen without Freddie Mercury. I can't possibly have this".

I promptly left the restaurant and went to McDonald's for a filet-O-fish.

Posted By: Larry Hagman, Jan 10, 17:24:51