Who are these animals, these uncultured fools, who can see the utility in a nice poo

but cannot appreciate its value?

Learn some bowel control, cork it up, and bring it home for a nice relaxed unhurried voiding, in clean comfortable surroundings, with maybe a few pages of a good book, or a browse of specialist toilet literature (growing up, a pal of mine's parents kept an encyclopedia in the cludge, for precisely this purpose. Great s**tter material, an encyclopedia - just pop it open at a random page and become educated). Take your phone, even.

Don't just drop trou in a smelly highly-trafficked pub WC. How utilitarian and perfunctory. Half the pubs I go in, even nice pubs with reasuringly expensive craft beers served by men with beards and ladies with tattoos, and a needlessly extensive wine list, have f**king rank Gents cludges, swimming with piss and, by the end of the night, stinking like a pissed-on tramp.

You make me sick. I hope you catch a dirty bum disease.

Posted By: Arizona Bay, Sep 19, 15:00:17