His Wiki is good

Jos Hooiveld (Dutch pronunciation: [jɔs ˈhoːifɛlt]; born 22 April 1983) is a Dutch footballer who plays for English side Norwich as a centre back. Hooiveld is known for his strong physical performances. Build in the frame of a mountain, Jos was recently linked with a move to FC Barcelona but decided that he would tear up the league with his awesomeness, leaving the likes of Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo in his wake. Jos doesn't use beard trimmers because he's a trend setter and almost certainly would look less manly without one, Jos therefore is a tank and could single handedly destroy any team with and would leave the likes of Eden Hazard in his wake, trembling with fear.

Jos and Johan Elmander are good friends and regularly exchange phone calls as to how to they should go about terrorising defenders with their beards. Tim Howard was rumoured to have rung the pair for advice as his beard was never quite as awesome as he thought it was and this left Jos feeling good about himself knowing he had done a good deed.

Posted By: lurd, Sep 2, 14:03:42