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?11 Pints and a Coke?

Well, we finally arrived at the Park Royal bar, sorry Hotel, just an hour or so after touch down in Malaysia. Yes, the Ketts Tavern Y?Army (plus Bristol Paul) was on tour again.

The first night was going to be a couple of drinks then off to bed to sort out the jet lag ready for an early start in the morning. Gyles & Catherine, Tony & Julie, plus Luke and Katie were off to Singapore for a couple of days to take in the sights, so an early night after nearly a days travelling seemed the best idea. Wrong. The club had stated that Finnigans bar, not far from the hotel, was to be the official meeting point for Norwich supporters during the trip. So, off we headed to see just what this bar was like.

We placed our first order with the very friendly and willing staff of ?11 pints and a coke?, not knowing how often that phrase would be used over the next seven days. Well, that and ?another bottle of red for Clive?, but more on that later. Having just settled down to relax and chill out, an old City favourite, Mike Milligan, was spotted leaning precariously at the bar. Having popped over for a quick handshake and a chat, the three people with him were also heartily introduced something like this by a well oiled Mike:

?Hic, thish ish Peter Barnes?shhh wife?. pause/eyes close/stagger sheesss lovely?y y you remember burp Peter Fheter Barnesss?? ?Grreat pl?stagger..pl?player???.?Thish is hic the man whooosh pays Hucker longer pause/eyes closed again/stagger Hucker hic Huckerby?s wages?. ?Thishh hic is ??.. pause/eyes closed for a little longer/stagger?..what was I hic saying??
At this point I felt it only right to order them another round of drinks to help quench their obvious thirst, and then slide away.

We never did find out who the third man was but he did cause great amusement a few minutes later when he tried to have another cigarette. Being so pissed, and unable to stand upright and keep still for more than a second at a time and his centre of gravity kept moving confusing his brain, when he put the cigarette in his mouth the weight threw his balance out causing him to stagger forwards, fall off a step, and nearly land up on another table. You just knew the pavement was going to invite his head down for a chat at some time later in the evening.

Tony, Julie, Gyles, Catherine and I headed off to a noodle restaurant recommended by Luke and Katie. Mmmmm how delicious were the frogs tounges Julie? It was different is all I?ll say. Then back to Finnegans to join the others, ?just for one quick beer?.

Also in the bar that night were Gunny, Joe Farrari, and ?Indian girl? plus Kevin Piper and Tony Aldours who were gathering material for a documentary of the tour. Their work that night included an in-depth interview with Elaine (the only one brave enough to volunteer) on why we were in Malaysia, what it?s like to be a rabbit caught in the headlights, and the meaning of life itself. The night then deteriorated into a long drinking session to which the more hardy (perhaps that should be fool hardy) amongst us kept the bar open about four hours passed normal closing time. When Davo started a chant of ?Oh Ah, Joe Royal?I wanna knowwwww, why you?re such a ****? (and I couldn?t possibly comment on who of the afore mentioned ?personalities? joined in) I thought it time to hit the sack.

The next day we were down to eight. Some didn?t wake until 2.00pm while others headed off for some sight seeing in Kuala Lumpur itself. The main places visited during the week were the famous Petronas Twin Towers, which featured in the Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones film Entrapment, the revolving restaurant, the communications tower known as Menara KL, and Chinatown.

The City, as well as Malaysia, has a cultural mix of Malay, Chinese, and Indian which is reflected in the number of mosques, Buddhist temples, and Hindu shrines. Indeed if you were here on a cultural holiday the city is full of museums, art galleries, craft centres, while containing such a wide variety of food halls, Asian restaurants, as well as those western outlets which I cannot mention in the same sentence as the word culture. Construction work is a continuous ongoing exercise, and as with many Asian cities the skyline changes with each passing month.

The afternoon was spent in and around the pool. Well, they did have waiter service for the beers. This was cut short by the obligatory afternoon thunder and lightening, and torrential downpour, and my god when it rained it was like a monsoon for a couple of hours. However, an hour or so later and the roads and paths were dry again such was the heat and humidity.

In the evening we had a problem called self restraint. We (the four unattached males) were determined to be strong enough to walk passed Finnegan?s and explore the delights that lay beyond in down-town KL. We decided to give the place a wide berth?..so why did we cross the road to walk past? Why not stay on the opposite side of the duel-carriageway? Paul was determined to keep walking, Clive was determined to ?get the beers in? and Brian and I were wavering. In the end we said ?just one? and then we?d move on. As you can imagine we stayed the night. Food was typically British, so we enjoyed the choice of shepherds pie, cottage pie, and steak & kidney pie. This particular evening was the first I had noticed that Clive wasn?t eating?..

On Tuesday morning, while Brian, Paul and Clive headed off to Chinatown, I was on the official visit to the Proton Factory. This turned out to be an extremely enlightening experience as I started to realise that Proton were not, as I had first thought a year ago, grateful to have us to sponsor, but that we were indeed fortunate to have them! If you are not aware yet Proton are BIG. They have plans to build ?Proton City? about 50km out of KL with its own airport and rail links. Believe me, if we can stay in the Premiership this year we could really take off with their backing. After an initial presentation by their General Manager we set off in three tour parties to visit the factory, which was new and completely automated. It presents a fantastic advert for a company which promises much much more to come.

It was also a good opportunity to chat with Delia and Michael who as ever were magnanimous in the time given for the many supporters on the visit. A superb buffet lunch was laid on, and then it was time for handshakes and then back to KL. Before leaving I managed to get Delia to pose for the Y?Army in front of the opening slide from the General Manager?s presentation.

When the others arrived back on the Tuesday from Singapore another aspect of the trip became a theme for the early evenings. We?d meet in the Foyer ready to go out for the night but while waiting what else was there to do than pop in to the adjacent lounge bar for a swift beer. Bit pricey at ?3 for a half but what the hell we?re on holiday. Problem then was getting out of the bar long after the last person had arrived. ?Can?t go yet as we?ve ordered another bottle of red?, was heard on several occasions. Clive, the Pit?s top boy, picked up the tab one night when the table was full of empty bottles and glasses and the rest of us had legged it. I can?t remember the exact amount but it must have been around 500 ringits. That would have been the equivalent of a full night?s pleasure with one of the many local good time girls.

Tuesday night ten of us managed to get passed Finnegans (or Milligans as we called it after their most loyal and devout customer hic) and headed on to the place it says in the brochures ?you haven?t experienced the nightlife of KL until you?ve been to The Beach?.
The reputation was well deserved. Probably the best night of the trip. It started soberly enough with a few buckets of Carls but soon developed into impressions of Adam Drury lifting the First Division Championship Cup. With quivering hands on the ice bucket and with voices gently rising to a crescendo of ?whhheeeeeyyyyyyyyyy? the ?cup? would be lifted aloft by all, followed by jumping up and down and chanting ?Championi, Championi olay olay olay?.

At some point as the night drew on Catherine is convinced that our latest round of bottles had been drugged. She insists that we all went from being very merry to ?over the top? at the same time. This change was demonstrated by the sight of most of us appearing up on the stage dancing (well if you could call it that) to the deafening music. It was during this period that Gyles performed his own version of bar jumping. Launching himself forward to the dance floor below he failed to notice the microphone stand??which hit him firmly in the side of the eye on his way down. It must have been very painful, so thank god for the masking powers of alcohol. Came up as a good shiner the following day though.

Apart from the local girls (and yours truly spent some time with one local lovely), the buckets of beer, and the stage, I don?t remember much else. We left by taxi about 4am and as with every night, in the morning all my money had gone, so must have been good.

Didn?t do the morning again tut tut, but after lunch we headed off on mass to explore Chinatown.

The rest of the day focused on the first game against the Malaysian Cup holders MMPJ Selangor. The only difficulty was trying to tie down exactly where this was being played as the venue changed almost on a daily basis. As it was we kept clear of ?cabbage? and took taxi?s. Having set up the flags we stood to enjoy what turned out to be a reasonable game of football. The heat was affecting the city players and supporters alike, with very little noise from the 150 ? 200 travelling fans. We had realised early on that many (not all by any means) of the fans were ?coach?, ?collectors?, and ?sitters?. With the score 1-1 at half time thanks to a clinical finish from Leon, I set off to explore the stand. Upstairs was found a buffet being enjoyed by officials of the MMPJ Club and their families. Unfortunately for them they had left two or three NCFC VIP lanyards unattended so wearing these, and trying to look important, myself, Davo, and Elaine stood and enjoyed a very pleasant meal of satay chicken and beef, crab sticks, noodles, and some form of meat balls. Having then gained access to some other rooms on this side of the stadium Davo and I decided to see if we could take the flags over to the opposite side and hang them out of the television gantry. I think the free drink was cutting in at this point.

As we passed the first packed terrace of home fans we exchanged pleasantries, waved and clapped them, as we thought we were just reciprocating their response to us. However, as we reached the half way line it became apparent that they were not so pleased to see us in their part of the ground. This was exacerbated by an appalling tackle by a city player on their star man which left him writhing about on the edge of the pitch just in front of us?..exit stage left?..we walked back a little faster than we had arrived?..just in time as city then scored two more goals as we reached a clear area behind the goal.

When the game finished we managed to get onto the pitch and then outside the ground Gyles and Luke were interviewed by Kevin Piper for his ongoing documentary. Taxis back to the hotel bar and a continued night of red wine and beer. Good to see Clive?s black teeth again, but still not as bad as Crewe.

Thursday was a busy day. On a personal note I had to be up early to get a minibus tour up to the Batu Caves, a linen workshop, and a Puter factory. On arriving back at the hotel I tagged onto a trip to Chinatown with Gyles, Catherine, Tony, Julie, Clive, Paul and Brian to look over the usual cheap watches, clothes and leather goods. Apparently at breakfast Davo hadn?t realised that you had to put the eggs (in their shells) into the boiling water while you fill your plate with the other delicacies on offer. Having decided to leave his ?hard boiled egg? until the end of his meal he caused great amusement by cracking it on the edge of his plate only for the contents to spread themselves all over the table and his lap. Apparently the look on his face was a picture.

The evening and night was all about the Gala Dinner which was held at the Putrajaya Marriot Hotel (where the management, players and staff were staying) which is located about 40km out of KL. Now this started out as an informal affair, then changed to ?ties?, then ?jackets?, then ?lounge suits?. At ?75 per head it was also not a cheap night out, particularly when we found there was no wine or complementary alcoholic beverage included. I should point out at this juncture that Gyles nearly missed the event for two reasons. One related to the late arrival of his suit from a local tailor, and the second was due to knocking himself out while out walking during the afternoon. Its great wearing baseball caps but you mustn?t pull the peak down too far otherwise you may not see that concrete beam??too late?..

Having taken the photo opportunities with the players (who were not in jackets or ties) as they queued up beside the traditional red carpet for the official presentation by the invited dignitaries, we enjoyed a lovely evening of traditional Chinese food, Malaysian entertainment, and amusing speeches from the Prime Minister and the countries Religious Leader. To hear these men express their gratitude to Norwich City Football Club for being the first British side to come to Malaysia to ?give? and not just ?take? as Man Utd, Newcastle and Birmingham had done was brilliant. To hear them say that the family values portrayed by our club fitted perfectly with the Malaysian culture, and how proud they were of our association with Proton was equally heart-warming. I think we all left the hotel (we were last to leave after several more bottles of red wine had been consumed) feeling pissed?no?feeling that this association with Proton was really something quite special in the history of NCFC, and that the potential was enormous.

Arriving back with the lobby bar still open was temptation enough?..could Clive?s teeth get any blacker?.well, we could try?.and we did.

I have no idea what happened on Friday during the day as I woke again at 2pm. This really isn?t going to help the suntan.

The late afternoon was taken up by the supporters football match, organised by Rob Butcher, with a Proton Sports XI. Pleased to say The Pit was well represented by Luke, Gyles, Davo, Brian and Clive. The weather conditions were awful with heavy rain and a waterlogged pitch (which gave a perfect excuse) as the city boys went down by a commendable score-line of 7-3 to a much younger and fitter Malaysian team. According to Elaine, when Davo led the Klinsman belly slide when city scored their first goal, half the dirt and water on the pitch disappeared into his various orifices. I guess people know that he?ll drink anything.

In the evening it was time to head back to Finnegan?s for the official opening of the NCFC Supporters Club by Delia, Michael, Worthy and the board. Now this turned into another great night. As always, give Delia her due in that she stayed late on into the night just to be with the supporters. So, after more photos with her godliness and Co, including Worthy with the Y?Army flags, oh?.and food?.(message to Clive?.that?s solid stuff you eat which doesn?t come in a bottle) we headed upstairs to join the throng.

Now I could have said ?thong? here as we were joined later in the early hours by a very scantily dressed but muscular lady boy. One poor guy didn?t realise who she was as she was grinding her bum into his groin. I think he started to realise things were not as they appeared when the subtle chant of ?get your nuts out for the boys? went up! Several of those present, including one or two of the Proton guys, ended up dancing on the bars which bewildered many of the young Malaysian staff.

Based on rumours from the UK we also penned the following song which was then heartily joined in by all and sundry:

Why Why Why Paul Scowcroft La La La La La La La
No No No Paul Scowcroft La La La La La La La
He is scum and belongs in division one
Forgive me dear Nigel we don?t want scum at this club

Unbelievably about two songs later the tape playing in the bar came out with Tom Jones singing Delilah which set us off again. It was an omen.

As a bid is still sitting on Micky Adam?s desk at the time of writing this, if PS has signed by the time you are reading this?..then we stand by Worthy?s decision.

The evening was rounded off by one city lad getting his girlfriend up onto the bar, then dropping to one knee and proposing. Fortunately for him she said yes. The last we saw of him was from the upstairs windows as he mooned at us from the pavement below and we aimed beer mats at his arse. Seemed perfectly normal at the time.

Saturday (well the afternoon) was spent doing last minute shopping before the big game against the National side at the Bukit Jalil Stadium. The purchases included a selection of Burberry trilby?s which had been spied in Chinatown earlier in the week.

The intention for this match was to break away from the yellow shirted fans and make some noise, rather than endure the quietness of the previous game. As it turned out the excesses of the week coupled with the oppressive heat and humidity made us all strangely subdued. Subsequently it was another quiet game both on and off the pitch. Delia did make the point after the first game that the team were Premiership but on the night the supporters were not. Poignant words but would have to agree on this occasion.

After hanging around to get onto the pitch after the game we were lucky to get the last train and monorail back to central KL and the air conditioned comfort of the lobby bar. Guess what, more red wine and beer. Still haven?t seen Clive eating?..

Sunday morning was for packing and vacating rooms by 12 noon. With the flight due just over 12 hours later there was not much to do other than visit the Irish bar attached to the hotel, and then have something for lunch at Finnegan?s. Now, this was the only time I saw Clive eat. Bacon butty and chips. Apparently he had been seen entering MacDonald?s on at least one other occasion during the week?.as well as buying extra strong toothpaste.

Then it was time for a shower and change of clothes ready for the long journey ahead. But that didn?t stop another last visit to the Lobby Bar before the transport arrived.

That was it?.on the way to the airport. Business Class for me thanks to air miles from working overseas......so "10 pints, a coke, and a glass or two of champagne on the way home"

PS A special mention should go to Joe Beckham for the fantastic job of organising the trips, sorting out the problems, and for just being so downright gorgeous.

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Posted By: Old Splat, Mar 13, 23:43:31