I like Tim Vine. My best two gags ever were in his style, and neither got a laugh

One: I was booking in my car for a service. The lady asked for my phone number, and I gave it. Then she asked if it was a Mondeo, and I said no, it's a nokia. Nothing. Not from her, not from the people waiting.

Two: I bought a pie off the van that comes to our works. He gave me the pie, and I paid, saying "Thanks very much, have a pleasant day". The guy behind me pointed to the pasties and said "Cornish, please", so I said "Thaank oo very murch, and haaave a pleznt dayy" in my best west country acent. Nothing, again. Nothing. I am WASTED. WASTED.

My fave Tim Vine gag: a man goes into Crossleys and asks for a watch. Salesman says "Analogue?" and the man replies "No ta, just the watch"

Posted By: Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 20:21:58