A dangerous new species of scummer has been discovered...

... by me, right here, from out of off of on my very own doorstep. FFS !!

You see, Nasie Jr (14), has a mate (13) who lives opposite us, and he's got a school friend (also 13) currently staying over.

By way of introduction (because I've never seen or met this kid before), Nasie Jr's mate jokingly warns his friend that we're Norwich supporters.

"Urgh you're not Norwich supporters? You're rubbish!" were his very first words to me.

"And you support?" was my retort, knowing full well what was coming.

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiip-ssssssswich." he chanted.

FFS !!

"Not sure I've heard of you." I joshed. "What league do you play in?"

"Champions... er league." was his unsure response.

FFS !!

"Don't flatter yourself, it's the Championship you're in, which is one below the Premier League where I think you'll find Norwich play in." I reminded him.

Anyhoo, a frank debate over the next 5 minutes ensued between us, in which this feral breed of scummer claimed:

He remembered watching Ipswich win the FA Cup. He then decided to argue with me when I pointed out that it was over thirty years ago and he wasn't even born then. He maintained Ipswich had won the FA Cup more recently than that.

He claimed Ipswich had won the Champions League, and proceeded to argue with me over the fact the UEFA Cup was and it very different to the Champions League.

He told me Norwich would be going down and Ipswich would be promoted this season becuase we'd lost the best manager in the country. Better than Ferguson or Mancini I enquired. Yes was his response.

Ipswich were going to the Premier League because they've still got their manager and, and I quote, "we've got a striker bang in form". When I asked who that was, Michael Chopra was his answer.

By this stage, Nasie Jr's mate is looking suitable embarrassed at his mate's woeful lack of knowledge.

The scum child's final claim before he departed was the most breathtakingly laughable of all.

"Anyway," he said in all seriousness. "We're already doing better than Norwich this season!"

"The season hasn't even started yet you brainless f**kwit." were words I was thinking, but were actually said in a more pleasant and measured style.

"Yes'" he replied. "3-1".

"3-1?" I enquired.

"Yeah, 3-1 in the Capital One Cup".

"Oh, that competition that we haven't even started in yet you mean?" was my response, at which stage Nasie Jr interrupted the conversation and suggested that they go out on their bikes.

So what lessons can we learn of this dangerous new breed of scummer then? In fact any scummer under the age of 35. Well, it's that they have no memory of anything that their club has actually achieved during their lifetime. Their whole basis of the knowledge of their team's achievements has been passed down through generations of their family, talking about the 'good old days'. FFS !! Trouble is with history, facts can get distorted over time. Proof today that no history is more distorted than that of an Ipswich Town supporter. There I was drawn into a pointless debate with this kid I'd never met, who isn't even old to enough to remember the last time Scum were in the Premier League and got beat 9-0 by Manchester United... a glorious record which still stands to this day.

On your bike, you ignorant feral scum child!

Posted By: Jim Nasium, Aug 16, 11:29:27