Daily Mail On Euros

Sweden? England will piss all over them, bloody Abba and Volvo, we invented the game for f**ks sake. England 3-0.

France? Ha, what a shambles they were in the last World Cup. Petty, cheating whingers. They're good for nothing but EATING SNAILS AND FROGS LEGS. And we invented the game for f**ks sake. And we used to own Calais. England, 2-0.

Ukraine? Where the f**k is Ukraine? Oh who cares-IU expect we saved their sorry Nazi/Commie butts IN THE WAR. They'll all have funny names and besides, playing us-it'll be THEIR CUP FINAL. Besides, we invented the f**king game.

Last eight? Rooney will be back won't he? He'll get a hat load and we'll beat whoever we have to play, it'll be their CUP FINAL as well. Stevie Gerrard, he should be knighted. Marvellous. Fly the flag. Bloody foreigners.

Semis? Why can't ENGLAND have a bye into the final? What, we have to play another game? But our PLAYERS ARE TIRED. Oh well, tell you what, send out the HEROES OF 66, they'll do the business.

Final? Against Spain, eh? What have they ever done. They eat greasy paella and say "si?" don't they? I can't respect a country that DOESN'T HAVE HP SAUCE on the table. Easy win. England. We rule football!

Posted By: Martin Peters, Dec 3, 12:01:07