hare goo

I was driving past a field the other day and saw a scarecrow trying to have a w**k! I thought to myself that f**kers clutching at straws

What's the difference between David Haye and my trousers?
My trousers have a belt.

The Firework

My wife calls my cock "The Firework."Not because it lights up her evening, but because she likes to keep it at arms length since it went off in her face that one time.

My wife is a bit of a tree-hugger, so she went ape s**t when I ran over a frog.
I said, "Well I couldn't avoid him and it's not like they serve any purpose."
She shouted, "He was on a bloody bike and you're supposed to be driving on the right."

A little kid just said to me: "What's your favourite Telly Tubby?"

So, I replied: "Probably the Samsung 42 inch flatscreen...you cheeky little f**ker!"

The wife's not talking to me...
apparently, saying, "I've licked loads of pussy in my time but yours is the best," isn't really a compliment

A blonde and a brunette are out hunting. While crossing a fence, the brunette suddenly falls to the ground and has a seizure. The blond, clearly worried rings 999 straight away. "Hi, please help, i don't think my friends breathing". "Ok, lets first make sure she's dead", said the paramedic on the other end. There is silence, and a shot is heard. "Ok, now what?"

Posted By: emmaroyds, Jul 6, 18:26:23