The last time I saw a shallow dive like that was when me and Charlotte went to stay with

Hugh and Titty Frobisher at their pile in the Cotswolds last Summer. We'd been drinking shampoo and Campari Blitzers all afternoon whilst playing bonkers croquet when Titty suggested a skinny dip down at the lake before dinner.

Thompson, Hugh's man was sent for fresh towels and we set off, through the woods, to the jetty. The girl's ran off ahead as Hugh and I shared a nip of 25 year-old Glendronach from his hip flask. We were nearing the lake when we heard a scream, as we approached the jetty we saw that Charlie had slipped, gone over the side and caught her knickers on a nail. She was dangling precariously from the jetty as a couple of perch leapt up at her voluminous fanny hair. Thompson got a boat hook and gave her a shove to release her, she fell like a rag doll into a 4-inch deep pool on the shore. We had a bally good swim and headed back to the house.

After supper and a couple of games of canasta, we retired for the night. At about 4am, I got up to go to the kitchen for a glass of water - glancing into the scullery I saw Thompson had bent Charlie over the butler sink and was pounding away at her behind like a rutting ram. I saw a whelk fall from her minge.

Posted By: malkybarkid, Jun 15, 15:00:14