A man goes into a bar, sits down, and orders a pint...

...the barman hands him his pint, and motions towards a plate of peanuts. He reaches for a nut, but as he does, he hears a voice: "You are looking great today, Sir - super sharp" "You'll go far in life, just you see" And so on. The peanuts are saying all these nice things...

His ego suitably boosted he decides to have a fag. He goes up to the cigarette machine, and puts his money in. He presses the button for 20 Marlboro Lights. And then the machine says: "Fuck me you're ugly. It looks like your face was set on fire then put out with sulphuric acid" "You make me sick you w**ker"..

Understandably taken a back, the man goes back to the bar, and says to the barman: "What the f**k is going on here then? The peanuts were all nice to me, but when I went to buy some fags, the machine practically called me a c**t"..

The barman says: "Yeah, sorry mate, The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is Out of Order"..

Posted By: Fierce Panda, May 15, 16:51:17