Selections from the Guardian's minute-by-minute report on Spuds match:

14 mins Bentley looks terrible these days. Really knackered and messed up with his beard and his swept over greasy hair, like a penniless junkie tramp with a sprig of holly in his hoodie hassling you for 40p at Vauxhall tube station. He has a shot now, which flies miles over from the edge of the area. Spurs have got into some really good positions on the wings. United's full-backs - yes, that includes you, Gary Neville - look a bit soft.

22 mins ... Bentley lines up a free kick on the right, thinks about it, does his David Beckham frown, pauses again and then absolutely vomits a horrible shanked thing miles over the bar. He looks only mildly pensive as he runs back to the halfway line.

42 mins ... Bentley again cross poorly and then runs away looking lank and shifty and unkempt, like a small time thief being chased down a dank city street by a Tesco Metro store detective.

58 mins Very close from Spurs and a first save of the half by Kuszczak. Bale jinks away from Neville as he attempts a laughable rugby tackle like a bullying dad left panting on the grass. He slides it in to Bentley and his close range side-foot just sort of hits Kuszczak's flailing arms. A good chance that. Maybe sohuld have scored.

64 mins ... Matthew Savage wonders, and it is a good question, "Regarding David Bentley's chip fat hairstyling: it would save him a lot of problems if he wore a bandana or a swimming cap. Or is this ungentlemanly conduct ?"

70 mins Bentley dribbles in another dire free-kick. That was a pea roller. It was a horrible thing.

74 mins ... the Stig is back: "Bentley been an absolute disaster
* platying against the certified youngster in the ManU backline
* not one decent cross
* made a mess of 5 big chances
* all his set pieces hits the first united defender
the lad must be in complete tatters!"
Go Stig! Go Stig's bullet points too.

"A lot of people have compared me to Dennis Bergkamp, but I'm there to take his place."

Posted By: Ottosson Foxtrot, Dec 1, 21:47:08