The Official NCFC4life Report,

It started off for me at about 845h with the train into Liverpool. I got into town about 910h so i went down to Mcd's to get some cheap coffee before heading into Lime st. station to catch the train. I waited for the train, watching the people rushing around. I noticed a fat lad in a Sheff Wed?s shirt and wondered who they were playing, but I didn't like to ask him as he was stuffing a pasty in his face. 1000h we set off on the cattle train, off to the lovely place that is Wigan. I started reading Warnock's column in the Independent but after his was having a go at Alex Ferguson for laying into referees, I quickly put that down. Going to Wigan is never a pleasure, even more so when you have to pass through such wonderful examples of Northern Britain like Huyton, St Helens etc. IED would have done an eppy. On arriving at Wigan it was shrouded in fog. Well either fog or a mysterious gene altering cloud, which could explain some of the people I saw as I waited for 10mins for the train to Carlisle. After what seemed an eternity the lovely old Richard Branstons train comes into view. At this point I was just hoping that the train would get me far enough out of Wigan before the inevitable "Virgin Curse" strikes and the train breaks down. Fortunately though it didn't and the 2hr journey began.

It was quite a pleasant journey in all fairness. Although when I arrived at the next stop, Preston, the fun began. I was apparently sat in the seat of an old woman. Her and her husband had prebooked seats and were determined to sit in them. I explained that the same thing had happened to me and that someone was in my seat, and someone in their?s and someone in their?s and so on. She huffed a bit and then they sat in the two empty seats in front of me, both facing forward like mine only half a metre further forward up the train!!! Her global position must have been very important to her. While this was going on, outside the window I saw a couple who seemed to be waving to someone on the train, either a son or daughter going away somewhere. I say waving, they were flapping like f**king sea lions. I was embarrassed for them. The journey continued, up through the beautiful lake district, well on the way up to Penrith. It was as we were going through the lakes that I noticed something a bit odd. every so often on the side of the mountains I saw some bearded mentalist with a tripod taking photos of our train? What the f**k? They're in one of the most beautiful areas of Britain and all they can find to take photos of is a f**king train? Mind you, I was on that train, going to Carlisle to watch Norwich play so I don't know who was more mad?

I reached Carlisle where I met up with Klobo04. We had a little while to wait for the others so we went to The Griffin pub and had a few beers and some games of pool. We were lucky to get the beer as the pub had only two members of staff on, on a Sat lunchtime? Bizarrely fat lad in the Sheff Wed?s shirt waddled into in the pub too? I?m not sure if he realised he was in the wrong place. After about half an hour later and a hiding at pool from klobo, Jafski and his posse arrived with IED and wgf500 trailing shortly after. They had no success with trying to get a drink so we decided to head off. We saw the team coach outside the window of the pub but it wouldn't stop to give us a lift. It was at this point when we were about to leave, that I witnessed one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen. The conversation somehow got onto selwyn and IED mentioned the infamous incident of selwyn and his missus in the barclay end. Not content with just mentioning it, IED cupped his hand and put it down towards his crotch and motioned as if he was doing it!!!! It was wrong, just wrong but what an introduction to IED after only 5mins!

We left the pub and headed up Warwick Road towards the rugby club. IED went off with one of the Carlisle lads to find a cashpoint. I think he was a bit worried about going off with this guy but Jafski informed him that he was safe! When he rejoined us at the club, IED told us that he was hearing stories about the Carlisle hooligan days, brilliant! We arrived at the rugby club where we found tim berry and his girlfriend Chloe. After telling us about their hardcore journey on the overnight coach/train we were joined by colincanary and his wife. A bit later on we were joined by CB41 and his son. IED and wgf500 went off to get their tickets for the game where they bumped into Mark Pougatch and Delia. We found out when they returned to the club that we were the featured game on the football league show, god only knows why! We all had a few more drinks and we headed over to the ground.

Brunton Park, as you'd expect from a league 1 ground, old school. All terracing except the stand that we were in. Old floodlights (more on those in a bit), tin roofing, just your average lower league ground. The only sign of anything mordern was the nice big screen behind the goal at our end. After a bit of jobsworth stewarding we found some seats about halfway up the stand. I say we, klobo got sent down near the front but joined us all a bit later.

The game got underway, with city shooting towards the far left goal. The game itself was not great, in fact it was pretty terrible. We had the odd decent passage of play with a few nice passes but not any really clear cut chances.

It wasn't long before the NFN comments started, only this time it was from a man who has probably claimed more on expenses than all of the UK politicians put together, Norfolk's very own freeloader Gus. For the entire game, Jafski and myself were subjected to the kind of genius footballing insight from Gus and his mate that can only be heard from Lawro and Hansen. Unfortunately I cant remember the very first quote but it was a gem. Such classics soon poured out like; "Pass ut, Martun, stop shootun all the time!? and ?Dunt stand off um Francoomb, yew give um too much time bor?. Then we had a history of football lesson when we heard about Carlisle?s keeper Lenny Pidgeley; ?That keeper roight, when he used to play for Watford he could?ve gorn to chalsea, but he dint want too. He dint wat ?em?. Then we had a bit of a lesson in stadium architecture. ?Look at them floodlights? They int a lot of cop are they, they wunt be no good if ut gits dark?. The best way to describe them is if you imagine a giant 2 story high step ladder with a load of security lights tied to it, you wouldn?t be far off.

In amongst the football genius we had another source of amusment. A ball boy behind Forster?s goal who became affectionately known as rude boy. He was a young lad, probably around 15/16, wearing grey trackies. He looked like the scallies you see hanging around outside corner shops in Liverpool. He also had a blond stripe through his hair that made him look like a skunk (? wgf500). After a few half hearted chants he seemed to be enjoying his fame.

At this point you can guess that the game was rubbish. The doc continued to molest and cuddle the opposing forwards, even giving what looked to me to be a penalty. Hoolahan tried to create but not to much avail and Martin was trying with a few shots. It edged closer to half time with no sign of any goals coming so IED disappeared for a pie and CB41 too. A couple of mins after they went, we scored. It was the worst goal I?ve ever seen but a goal! Hurrah! So we got into halftime with a 1-0 lead.

The second half was again terrible. it wasn?t long before Gus started off again, this time more directed at Chris Martin. I thought he played alright and was one of our more lively players but Gus didnt share my opinion. ?Come orn Martun, dornt bloody amble, RUN!?. My favourite of the half came when the whole team was back defending, Adeyemi cleared the ball deep into their half, right back to the keeper, ?What?s Martun not doin on the edge of the box? Get him orf Lambert!? Genius.

Meanwhile rudeboy started to show off. The hood went up and he put some gloves on. The gloves were rude, sick even. He was sporting a pair of fashionable bright orange gloves, proper bo innit. He was joined later in the half by another one of his crew, he was not as cool.

Francoomb was subbed to a standing ovation after a solid debut. He looked very good for a first effort, very composed and I?m sure we?ll be seeing a lot more of him. Gus was pleased as he seemed to think that Francoomb was useless. Gus was even happier when Martin went off. We all gave him a standing ovation too, more to piss Gus off than anything else. As the half dragged to a close Hoolahan nearly lost his legs after a shocking two footed tackle that escaped with a booking. We then heard Gus ?Ferguson? start off going on about how much injury time to play. ?I make it 4mins and 45secs on my watch? Well done Gus, well done. So the board went up for 4mins and there was more complaining.

The final whistle went and we got a win! The first time I?ve seen Norwich win in nearly 3 years! The last time I saw us win was when we beat Sunderland at home under Peter Grant in November 06. We filtered out of the ground with a wotb chorus of ?On the ball city? and walked back towards the rugby club. wgf500 started a chant of ?We hate Leeds scum? with the Carlisle fans outside the ground which we all joined in with. He then decided to give Canary Call a try but was engaged the whole time so never got through.

IED and wgf500 left us to get the train back, CB41 and his son left us too while we went for a pint in the Rugby club with Jafski?s mate Rolo, a not at all bitter Carlisle fan.

After a bit of winding him up we walked back towards the station and found our way into the beer festival. We had a few nice beers in there, including one of Jafski?s mates trying some nuclear strength cider. We were joined by the Wiltshire CAMRA Massive, stopping by on their way up to Scotland. A grey haired old chap came and tried some of the cider. He sipped it then said across the table to his mate in his brilliant wiltshire acent; ?That gets up your nose that, Alan!? Quality! By this point I?d missed my train so I stayed on longer. Klobo left to begin his journey back on the train.

I left Jafski and the others about 45mins later and began my journey back to Merseyside. I jumped on the train and was joined again by Tim Berry and the missus, until they got to Preston and got off to begin their coach journey back to London, Hardcore! I changed at Wigan which was populated by even weirder creatures than before, it was dark though. I arrived back in Liverpool at about 1030h and made my way down to central station to get my train back home. I knew I was back, looking around at the lack of clothes on the women, boss! I stopped at Subway for a quick sandwich. I was in the que behind this girl and her mate. She was going on about something and then she shouted across the counter; ?She can suck my tits, she?s ginger but dyes her hair black!? The girl working was also ginger, then said; ?Yeah, ginger power!? Mental! So after that moment of weirdness I made my way back to home.

It was a good day out, good to meet many more wrathers and see those whom I?ve met before. The football was s**t and a bit of a rude awakening to league 1 for me!

Posted By: NCFC4life, Oct 12, 10:17:09