maybe ww2 but funny on a Fri Afternoon

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home.
He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner.
He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it
is, so he doesn't tell them.
His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"
"You'll see", he replies!
They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are
eating.
"Ok, says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls
me."
His daughter screams...
"Don't eat it, Jimmy!...... It's a f***ing arsehole ..!!!"


A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking
hooker catches his eye.

He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,"How
much
do
you charge?"

Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that
kind
money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?


"Yes."



虏 Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"

"Yes."



"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"

"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I
own
them
because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once.! I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel.

A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he
just
experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He
is so
amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500."

"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you
see
that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And
I own
it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides
to
put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.
He
can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.
He
decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and
unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you
something.

Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us,
all
those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"

"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."

Mr. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church.



"Reverend," he said, "we have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What should I do?"



"I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task" said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mrs. Jones is sleeping and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg."



In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off.



Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding at Mr. Jones.





"Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp object.



"Yes! You are correct Mrs. Jones" came the minister's quick reply.



Soon Mrs. Jones nodded off again. And again the minister noticed.



"Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones.



"My God!" howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck with the pin again.



"Right again!" bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face.



Before long, Mrs. Jones again nodded off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet his wife with the hatpin again.



The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam before she bore him his 99th son?"



As Mr. Jones enthusiastically poked his wife's thigh with the hatpin piercing her skin she screamed, "You stick that bloody thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"



AMEN!" replied all the women in the Congregation.

Posted By: fareastcanary, Aug 19, 16:45:50