You didn't have to tell me that

And I'm sorry (I mean I wasn't trying to draw any of that out of you). So here goes *gulp*

My auntie died last year, and she was an alcoholic (42). She knew the next time she touched it, she'd die, and still did it. A friend of mine also died this year at 40, through living too fast and not looking after himself. He spent the last 3 weeks of his life drinking all night instead of going to the doctors to find out what was wrong with him. Stupid, but that was his choice, he lost all sense of feeling in his legs and just collapsed in hospital whilst being kept in

There isn't a day that goes by without me thinking about these people, because I have similar issues that I fight on a day to day basis (not alcohol luckilly, although I've drank my fair share, and possibly have some pschological dependancy that I've addressed whilst the choice is an easy one.)

I have in the past been on a night out, drank and had a great time, come home and should have just gone to bed

I'll wake up with an empty whisky bottle that was full when I got in at 2am. I can't begin to tell you why, or how I'd done it, but it happened. It happened again, and again until I realised what I was doing was becoming serious. I can often get in and do similar things (ie mixing 5-10 units and downing), no need, but I do it. I will spend the next week constantly telling myself it can't happen again, because of where it will lead.

It's not a disaster if it does, but again, It is going to be one if I carry on. I'll spend more time alerting myself to the need for change. I think you see that with Winehouse, but she can't do this it in private, because she's a public figure and the sharks are itching to catch her at it for the next story/unfair slagging off she gets

The days after doing something like that, are absolute hell aswell , there's more than a hangover to deal with. Your head is a mess, as well as you knowing you have too much alcohol in your blood

I like Winehouse in the press, she's an example to everyone not to be, and if she over comes it, she's an example of someone going against the odds of pressure and achieving it.

They don't know, but people like that, actually give me more strength. They might feel they've failed/failing, but they're showing me light daily

To me, tomorrow is always another chance to make life better. Not only do I believe that, but we've all got to believe that, or we'll not survive or live in denial

That said, although I've never taken drugs, but I'm well aware of the process of giving in, and pressing self destruct button. The picture you painted above is no where near wanting to do it or being a lost cause, or choosing

The very last thing an addict does is choose imo, more likely they lose the strength to cope, an the addiction tells them the way out. Growing the strength to kill off something(s) eating at you 24/7 (not to mention you might not just have one, you could be a smoker drinker and drug taker, or just one of them), is not just something you do to stop, it's the biggest achievement you'll ever do in life

Sorry to hear about your dad too. I've all that to come. I project general rehabilation to bare fruit this time next year, although it's probably not fixed, and will ongoing for life. As it has been the last 3 years

Soz this went a bit deep. I personally don't like Winehouse, but it's just a personality thing. I do like Doherty though. I find the fact the papers hardly picture him with access to his child, or the normal things he does, disgraceful. Instead they'd rather tell you how horrible scum he is. When in reality, if that's truely the benchmark, then we're all scum. Except we aren't. I like the fact they're in the paper everyday. There's many others that aren't, and many others who've hit rock bottom and come back (as well as many protected by the media, like Williams has been royally)

At the end of it all, Some of us just a little longer than others learn the lessons :)

Posted By: pants on July 29th 2008 at 13:29:53

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