For instance:

First line fine.
Second line: take out 'crust'
Third line: take out 'does' and pluralise 'break'
Fourth line: could change 'daddy' to 'king' to save a syllable and then the 'Delia's refectory' needs changing to something shorter but I can't think what to just now...

Posted By: DJ Ginga on October 12th 2007 at 19:46:55

Message Thread

The more I think about it the more brilliant this becomes... (NCFC) - Fierce Panda, Oct 12, 16:34:04
- pie (NCFC) - Small, Oct 12, 16:38:44
- FP. I fear there is more chance of Hartson scoring than that becoming a Barclay chant. (n/m) (NCFC) - Snakey, Oct 12, 16:37:12
- Scansion issues. (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 12, 16:36:46
  - Yes it does (n/m) (NCFC) - Fierce Panda, Oct 12, 16:38:25
- Tricky rhythm to make it scan, esp the last line, but liking that a lot Mr Panda (n/m) (NCFC) - Partial Angler, Oct 12, 16:35:13
  - Thank you PA... (NCFC) - Fierce Panda, Oct 12, 16:38:18
    - Slight editing of one of two words in a couple of lines and it'll be fine... (NCFC) - DJ Ginga, Oct 12, 19:42:40
      - For instance: (NCFC) - DJ Ginga, Oct 12, 19:46:55

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