Place a hamster in a prominent position on the floor where they are bound to see it

Then as they inevitably bend over and go "coochy coochy coo", strike them on the back of the head with a large tortoise (oriented so the shell of the tortoise impacts the intruder's skull, rather than the soft fleshy underpart, which might give a squishy-splatty effect and not the desired bumpy outcome).

Of course this requires use of the Company Hamster and Company Tortoise. I assume that at short notice and in extremis you can obtain same without excessive form filling and managerial approval.

If not then you're screwed.

Posted By: Partial Angler on December 5th 2006 at 19:04:36

Message Thread

I think someone is breaking into the office - I have the door locked... (n/m) (General Chat) - duckandchips, Dec 5, 19:01:05
- Its not a group of mothers with flaming torches come to hunt you down is it? (n/m) (General Chat) - Klobo04, Dec 5, 19:04:40
  - Well this place is haunted... (n/m) (General Chat) - duckandchips, Dec 5, 19:05:58
    - ...by little ghostly mice that make a clip clippety clop sound on the stairs? (n/m) (General Chat) - Partial Angler, Dec 5, 19:06:32
      - Where on the stair? (General Chat) - Iwan Husarmi, Dec 5, 19:06:58
        
        Right there (n/m) (General Chat) - Partial Angler, Dec 5, 19:07:16
        
        No I'm not (n/m) (General Chat) - LittleMouseWithClogs, Dec 5, 19:09:48
        
        Mr Jingles and his wife? (n/m) (General Chat) - duckandchips, Dec 5, 19:08:10
    - By the last person to make silly jokes on a messageboard? (General Chat) - Iwan Husarmi, Dec 5, 19:06:28
      - actually its gone quiet... (n/m) (General Chat) - duckandchips, Dec 5, 19:08:55
        
        .......sshhhhh........ (General Chat) - LittleMouseWithClogs, Dec 5, 19:11:16
        
        Noone can hear you scream (n/m) (General Chat) - Klobo04, Dec 5, 19:11:43
        
        THANKS! (n/m) (General Chat) - duckandchips, Dec 5, 19:12:38
        
        No problem.... (General Chat) - Klobo04, Dec 5, 19:13:38
        
        Its a sneeky trick... (General Chat) - Klobo04, Dec 5, 19:10:38
        
        snot funny - I might have to stick my bottom out of the window if I need a weewee! (n/m) (General Chat) - duckandchips, Dec 5, 19:12:30
        
        You should work in Holland really (General Chat) - Partial Angler, Dec 5, 19:13:16
        
        They already do. (n/m) (General Chat) - duckandchips, Dec 5, 19:25:20
        
        SiH obviously thinks so.... (General Chat) - Klobo04, Dec 5, 19:14:42
- Place a hamster in a prominent position on the floor where they are bound to see it (General Chat) - Partial Angler, Dec 5, 19:04:36
  - Actually Ive just remembered there is a croquet mallet in the side room next door... (n/m) (General Chat) - duckandchips, Dec 5, 19:06:16

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