And I thought Ipswich were bitter...

From the (Australian) Daily telegraph:

Gloating before the battle starts June 22, 2005

ONCE the sun never set on the British empire. Now it rarely shines on a home-grown Briton. At least in most of their sporting teams

Ah, the joy of sport in England.

Wandering over to Lord's to watch a one-dayer between Australia and a United Nations side masquerading as England. Listening to the historic ground resonate with great names like Tony Greig, Allan Lamb, Robin Smith, Andy Caddick and Graham Hick. All Africans, except Caddick who was a Kiwi but don't quibble.

And don't forget Geraint Jones, England's current wicket-keeper, was raised in Queensland.

After the one-dayer, let's go to Wimbledon when well-known Pom, Sir Cliff Richard (born in India), will lead the cheering for another popular Pom, Greg Rusedski (born in Canada).

Ah, Mother England.

Who knew you spread your favours so wide? Driven by sheer snivelling, embarrassment and decades of being an international sporting joke, the desperate Brits have become Check Point Charlie in world sport.

They process foreign visas into English passports to turn foreigners into Poms the way ancient alchemists tried to turn other base material into gold.

Even their promising batsman Kevin Pietersen is about as English as a barbecue on the veldt.

He petulantly walked away from South African cricket and qualified for England because of his English-born mother. When Australian born-and-raised fast bowler Martin McCague was picked in the England side in 1993 he was described as "the rat who joined a sinking ship".

Martin meet Kevin.

The reason England is delirious with joy at the moment and more on the nose than cheap perfume is because its cricket team won a one-dayer and a Twenty20 game against Australia.

That's it. Just winning a couple of puff-and-powder one-dayers was enough for England's cheeks to rouge with excitment and her crinoline petticoats to fly at mid-calf.

It is like being able to tell the difference between jellied eels and welks and saying you're a gourmet.

Australia have won the last eight Ashes series (in 1989 4-nil, 1991 3-nil, 1993 4-1, 1995 3-1, 1997 3-2, 1998-99 3-1, 2001 4-1, 2002-3 4-1.

In all that time, England have won just one "live" match (first Test 1997). The other wins were in dead rubbers where compassion might have stayed Australia's hand. In one of the Tests a car backfired outside the ground and a player said loudly: "Good God, Mike Atherton's shot himself."

Atherton was steadily working his way toward a Test record 19 dismissals by Australian bowler Glenn McGrath at the time.

The most excited England became was in 1997 when they won all three one-day games and the first Test.

Then the heavens realigned themselves and Australia yelled "April Fool" and won the next three Tests by (1) 268 runs (2) an innings and 61 runs and (3) 264 runs. When Sir Cliff is at Wimbledon he might talk to Lleyton Hewitt who says England might be sorry for poking the Tiger. "I'm thinking that with England it will all come back to bite them," he said. "England talk themselves up every time." In New York Harbour the Statue of Liberty proclaims: "Send these, the homeless, the tempest-tossed to me." The Poms have the same sign hanging off Brighton Pier, but they added an extra line. "Send these, the homeless, the tempest-tossed to me. "And we'll put them in our sporting teams and pretend they're home grown." They were going to make offers to Japanese sportsmen but they could not reach agreement. The whale wouldn't fit in the Thames One day Australia will lose the Ashes to England and it will be as horrific as waking up after a night on the drink in a room full of images of Camilla Parker Bowles. But it won't be this year.

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My my my. Think some one is rattled!

Posted By: POA on June 22nd 2005 at 15:40:02

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