Quite funny

The FA Get Rate Tuff

I'm surprised no-one has mentioned the Football Association's new get tough policies for the new season to better protect match officials.

Here's a run-down as seen on User Posted Link

Players are not allowed to touch the referee, wotsoever. If they do, the FA will give them a nasty talking to and players will be docked thousands and thousands of pounds in fines.

If a player is caught looking at a referee, the referee is allowed to duff up said player while he is being held down by both referee assistants and the fourth official. Nasty, snide glances are punishable by a kick in the goolies.

Referees are now allowed to make 10 bad calls per game without fear of being harrassed. If a referee is harrassed while he still has bad calls on credit, the miscreants could suffer being hung, drawn and quartered on the goalposts while getting a stiff talking to and having some money taken off of them.

Players are not allowed to use sign language at referees. The offending finger(s) will be bitten off by the fourth official immediately with no chance of appeal.

Managers are not allowed to kill referees. For daggers in the back managers will receive a two game suspension. A shotgun blast to the head -- four games. Hand grenade down the shorts -- six months. Sending the boys 'round after the game -- one year. Usage of nuclear weapons -- lifetime ban.

Mass confrontations, groups of players surrounding the referee, have been especially outlawed. Offenders will be castrated and sentenced to one year of mandatory ballet lessons.

Players throwing the referee into the crowd -- six game suspension and fined two weeks wages. If the referee does not survive -- all fines and suspensions doubled.

Urinating on the referee -- ?20 fine. Masturbating on any match official -- ?50, doubled to ?100 if ejaculate lands on the official. Raping a referee -- ?200 fine. Referee gangbangs -- ?500 fine to each member caught on video. Rentals of such videos will be ?3 per night plus VAT. Copraphilia -- ?5 fine and a two match suspension.

Players impersonating, or doing impressions of Roy Keane, Paulo Di Canio or David O'Leary will face a firing squad at the spot on the field where the infraction occured.

Posted By: Winged Eel Creosote on June 21st 2005 at 14:38:03

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