I'm sure some of you lot are here

These are actual advertisements from the Lonely Heart column of 'Ireland's Own', a monthly magazine which prides itself on being very quirky!
Well its readers are certainly quirky and/or possessed of a good sense of humour!

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Grossly overweight Louth turf-cutter, 42 years old, Gemini, seeks nimble sex-pot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel.

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Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, seeks replacement mammy. Must like biscuits and answer to the name Minnie.
Thurles area.

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Galway man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.

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Bitter, disillusioned Kerry man lately rejected by longtime fiancee seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced b***hes.
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Ginger-haired Galwegian troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
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Artistic Clare woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential.

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Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters.

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Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon seeks attractive 21-year-old blonde lady with chest.

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Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

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Attractive brunette, Macroom area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition, who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!

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Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 pm and 11.30 pm.
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Optimistic Mayo man 35, seeks blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and has an open-minded twin sister.

Posted By: Old Git on December 2nd 2005 at 16:57:55

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