I like Tim Vine. My best two gags ever were in his style, and neither got a laugh

One: I was booking in my car for a service. The lady asked for my phone number, and I gave it. Then she asked if it was a Mondeo, and I said no, it's a nokia. Nothing. Not from her, not from the people waiting.

Two: I bought a pie off the van that comes to our works. He gave me the pie, and I paid, saying "Thanks very much, have a pleasant day". The guy behind me pointed to the pasties and said "Cornish, please", so I said "Thaank oo very murch, and haaave a pleznt dayy" in my best west country acent. Nothing, again. Nothing. I am WASTED. WASTED.

My fave Tim Vine gag: a man goes into Crossleys and asks for a watch. Salesman says "Analogue?" and the man replies "No ta, just the watch"

Posted By: Sugbad The Bad on June 28th 2013 at 20:21:58

Message Thread

Danish centre half. (NCFC) - Physio ITK, Jun 28, 19:12:58
- Got any jokes? (n/m) (NCFC) - pants, Jun 28, 19:13:41
  - My back garden is duck proof,ut's impeccable. (n/m) (NCFC) - protheroe fitzgibbon, Jun 28, 19:52:39
    - do ducks peck? (n/m) (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 19:56:16
      - Dunno,it was one of Tim Vine's tbh. (n/m) (NCFC) - protheroe fitzgibbon, Jun 28, 20:08:39
        
        I like Tim Vine. My best two gags ever were in his style, and neither got a laugh (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 20:21:58
        
        Yeah he's good,co hosted a show on talksport the other day. (n/m) (NCFC) - protheroe fitzgibbon, Jun 28, 20:29:02
  - David Nish? More of a right back, and we's way too old for us (n/m) (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 19:14:40
    - "he's", not "we's", obv. It wasn't a great gag to begin with. (n/m) (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 19:15:31
      - Yes it was, Suggs! You're frickun hilarious, you (General Chat) - Everyone Else Jun 28 19: (n/m) (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 19:21:41
        
        *like the Brits when Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood did it* (n/m) (NCFC) - pants, Jun 28, 19:24:27
        
        Three massive tits on the stage at once (n/m) (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 19:28:30
        
        ha ha (n/m) (NCFC) - pants, Jun 28, 19:34:38
        
        Arse! (n/m) (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 19:22:03
        
        I don't get it (n/m) (NCFC) - Huge Small, Jun 28, 19:22:51
        
        it's not really worth it but (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 19:26:18
        
        I saw him play in my second game at FCR in1970 when we won 3-0 on Boxing Day (n/m) (NCFC) - shortfatb, Jun 28, 20:06:45
        
        you are so unbeLIEVably old (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 20:23:34
        
        I was 11 and so I am unbelievably old. Thanks for pointing it out though. Heartless cunt (n/m) (NCFC) - shortfatb, Jun 28, 20:55:42
        
        I see (n/m) (NCFC) - Huge Small, Jun 28, 19:42:25
        
        (hangs head in shame) (n/m) (NCFC) - Sugbad The Bad, Jun 28, 19:45:58

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