"Dear Giles, Did you see the state of poor old Alex Higgins before he died?

I'm 35 and smoke two packs a day and I don’t want to end up like that. But I’ve tried everything and can’t seem to kick the habit. What should I do?"

- Jay, Leeds

"Dear Jay,

To be honest, I’d just carry on smoking and die horribly well before your time. It was good enough for the “Hurricane”, Humphrey Bogart and my father, so what makes you so special? It’s only death. You cough a bit, the lights go out, and they cart you off in a box.

We are probably not far off now from a time when nobody will smoke at all. The balance has been tipped, that war has been won.

So nobody gives a damn what self-pitying thickoes like you do any more – you don’t affect us.

You’re just a sad statistic from another age, like Neanderthal man and victims of the Black Death.

You’ve disappeared up an evolutionary blind alley and we’ll manage very well without you.

If you want to drag out your habit against the trend until your lungs shrivel up and go black and your tongue falls out then that’s fine with me. It’s a free country, people are allowed to kill themselves any way they like. Suicide has been legal in Britain since 1961.

But don’t give me “I’ve tried everything”, because you haven’t.

“Addiction” is an illusion, a crutch for the vain, weak and stupid. You smoke because you like it. End of.

Me, I stopped 10 years ago. Just don’t put any more fags in your mouth – it’s not rocket science."

Posted By: Arizona Bay on July 29th 2010 at 11:07:48

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