Top Rank

CLIVE:
I was down the, er, Top Rank ballroom the other day.
DEREK:
Oh, yeah?
CLIVE:
Yeah, with-, you know, with the lads .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... and, er, brought the wives along, you know.
DEREK:
Social occasion.
CLIVE:
Well, made it social, you know, nice to have the birds there, you know, they've .....
DEREK:
Oh, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... got things to talk about, haven't they? You know .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Women's talk, anyway, yeah .....
DEREK:
Yeah, nice.
CLIVE:
I was talking to the lads, I'd been up to the, er, football, you know.
DEREK:
Oh, errr, which? Norwich and, er, Tottenham?
CLIVE:
Norwich - Tottenham, yeah.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Fucking awful game, that.
DEREK:
Yeah-h.
CLIVE:
Norwich are a team of f**king w**kers, 'in't they?
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
Fucking w**kers, those Norwich. You-, did you-, d'y-, you see the game?
DEREK:
No, I was-, I was w**king that afternoon. I couldn't come .....
CLIVE:
Oh, yeah, couldn't make it, yeah. Well, I-, I was down to be w**king but, erm, you know, I got a call from a friend and, er, you know, thought best to go along.
DEREK:
Yeah, right, well, .....
CLIVE:
Anyway, I was down the Top Rank ballroom, any case, .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... I was talking to Sid, you remember Sid who, erm, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, who .....
CLIVE:
..... married to Doris.
DEREK:
Right, yeah.
CLIVE:
And, er, I suddenly turned round - f**k me, I saw the wife!
DEREK:
Well, was that-, was that, er, surprising?
CLIVE:
No, no, it's not surprising, what was happening to the wife was surprising. I turned round, saw the wife, f**king great gorilla f**king her arse off.
DEREK:
No!
CLIVE:
I thought, "Fuck me!"
DEREK:
Fucking hell!
CLIVE:
I said, "What's going on?"
DEREK:
Yeah. Well, you would.
CLIVE:
I said, "Who do I turn to?" You know, "Who do I f**king get in touch with?"
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
I pay five shillings to come to the Top Rank ballroom .....
DEREK:
Yeah. And then you've .....
CLIVE:
..... have a civilised conversation, I turn round, there's a f**king gorilla f**king the arse off my f**king wife!
DEREK:
Christ!
CLIVE:
I thought, "Fuck me! I mean, who do I get in touch with?"
DEREK:
Right, yeah, you must have been in a state of near panic.
CLIVE:
Yeah, well, you know, I've got pride.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
I'm not going to allow, er, ANYBODY, let alone a gorilla, you know, just, er, f**k the arse of my wife like that.
DEREK:
Yeah. So what did you do?
CLIVE:
Well, I turned to Sid, I said, "Sid, look! Fucking gorilla f**king my f**king wife!" He said, "Fucking hell, she f**king is being f**ked by a f**king gorilla, f**k me!" He said, "You should get in touch with the top man, .....
DEREK:
Right.
CLIVE:
..... the manager."
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
So I went straight up, you know, I stormed up. 'Cause let's f-, I've got a temper, you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, I know.
CLIVE:
I-, I-, I'm human!
DEREK:
Well, I wouldn't like to be on the end of it.
CLIVE:
I'm human. I knocked on the manager's door - no reply.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Well, I wasn't taking 'no reply' for an answer. So I stormed straight in and there he was: stark naked on the floor with an ant sucking his left nipple.
DEREK:
Oh no! Oh, f**king hell!
CLIVE:
And I said to him, with all the dignity I could muster, I said, "Is this a way to run a f**king ballroom?"
DEREK:
RIGHT!

Posted By: Arizona Bay on October 19th 2009 at 16:51:13

Message Thread

Wesley, Horse and Martin tonight? (NCFC) - Tricky Hawes, Oct 19, 15:34:31
- Holt to score with a header (NCFC) - Nelsons final flanel, Oct 19, 15:53:50
- Yes, unless you bring Hughes in for Martin (n/m) (NCFC) - stringersrevenge, Oct 19, 15:46:12
  - Have they still got Andy Hoooze? (n/m) (NCFC) - Small, Oct 19, 15:47:51
    - Yes, prepare for some fist pumping action tonight (n/m) (NCFC) - stringersrevenge, Oct 19, 15:54:58
      - They've got Andy 'Fucking' Hughes (NCFC) - legendhuckerby, Oct 19, 16:01:18
        
        We will win (n/m) (NCFC) - duke of york, Oct 19, 16:09:38
        
        Agreed, we've got nothing to fear (NCFC) - legendhuckerby, Oct 19, 16:13:24
        
        ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (n/m) (NCFC) - duke of york, Oct 19, 16:14:54
        
        FOOTBALL WAR!!!!!!!!!!!! (NCFC) - legendhuckerby, Oct 19, 16:18:19
        
        MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo (n/m) (NCFC) - Small, Oct 19, 16:16:34
        
        numpties. WIN! (n/m) (NCFC) - Small, Oct 19, 16:03:23
        
        You'll be to blame too. (n/m) (NCFC) - Tricky Hawes, Oct 19, 16:02:07
      - Oh yeah. Pumping an hoofing.. The EDP have got him down to start at Left Back (n/m) (NCFC) - Small, Oct 19, 15:57:50
        
        He's like the Leeds Daryl Sutch - every outfield position. (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 16:00:27
      - Hooze to score tonight then. (n/m) (NCFC) - Tricky Hawes, Oct 19, 15:55:33
        
        The good Hooze or the bad Hooze? (n/m) (NCFC) - stringersrevenge, Oct 19, 15:56:36
    - The Leeds fans have nicknamed Andy Hughes as 'The Cheerleader' due to him trying to roar (NCFC) - pants, Oct 19, 15:54:00
      - "ANDY HUGHES IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!" (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 15:56:49
        
        Here is said shirt (NCFC) - pants, Oct 19, 16:20:31
        
        That was my desktop background for ages. I got wrong off the secretary who doesn't like s (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 16:26:07
        
        I remember my answer machine years ago was a recording of derek and clive (NCFC) - pants, Oct 19, 16:42:10
        
        Top Rank (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 16:51:13
        
        that's the one, didn't go down well, so I changed it (n/m) (NCFC) - pants, Oct 19, 16:54:16
        
        ROLF (n/m) (NCFC) - Small, Oct 19, 16:21:52
        
        but he's been playing all season. And no-one has beaten them yet. (n/m) (NCFC) - Tricky Hawes, Oct 19, 16:05:53
        
        Andy bloody Hooves though. (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 16:10:45
        
        my head says draw, my heart says win, my bum says lose (n/m) (NCFC) - stringersrevenge, Oct 19, 16:12:54
        
        He did have a couple of moments (NCFC) - Small, Oct 19, 16:02:07
        
        Actually, I saw him have two good games at right back, right at the end. (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 16:04:52
        
        aRe YUO GoING TO kIck tTHE dirty LEEDS or ARE YOU soFt AS sHIT (n/m) (NCFC) - CB41, Oct 19, 16:24:40
        
        Wat? (n/m) (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 16:26:25
        
        CLUbs a JOKE!! (n/m) (NCFC) - CB41, Oct 19, 16:27:09
      - Bit more pleasant than what he was called here (n/m) (NCFC) - duke of york, Oct 19, 15:56:43
- Leeds boy at work has just rung me - apparently they are without five regular first team p (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 15:36:30
  - answer the question, Yorkie (n/m) (NCFC) - Tricky Hawes, Oct 19, 15:37:30
    - (why aren't you going, btw?) (n/m) (NCFC) - Tricky Hawes, Oct 19, 15:38:10
      - How was Ikea, bad as we'd imagine? (NCFC) - CB41, Oct 19, 15:42:46
        
        I was in Meadowhall on Saturday, it was purgatory. (n/m) (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 15:45:29
        
        Debenhams was the only name I recognised. Sheffield people must be f***ing rich (NCFC) - CB41, Oct 19, 15:49:30
        
        Salmon (n/m) (NCFC) - pants, Oct 19, 15:52:39
        
        ............. (NCFC) - Tricky Hawes, Oct 19, 15:43:59
        
        Anne Sellors (n/m) (NCFC) - pants, Oct 19, 15:43:39
      - 06:00 train tomorrow morning. (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 15:39:03
        
        right. Anyway - would you pick all of Teapot, Grant and Chris Martin tonight? (NCFC) - Tricky Hawes, Oct 19, 15:41:20
        
        I would (n/m) (NCFC) - Small, Oct 19, 15:46:25
        
        Oh. You answered. Sort of. (n/m) (NCFC) - Tricky Hawes, Oct 19, 15:42:00
        
        And to answer the question, I don't know. (NCFC) - Arizona Bay, Oct 19, 15:40:54
        
        Not mine, it's not. (assuming it's on Murdochvision) (n/m) (NCFC) - CB41, Oct 19, 15:39:58

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