Superbly bizarre letter in Observer Sport on Sunday

Thought you might like it. Any relation to MBK do you think?

"Love your You are the Ref strip, and wondered what you?d make of these posers that came to me in a quiet moment.

1) Just as a corner is taken, the Rapture cometh and Christ?s chosen ascend to heaven. One of the Saved heads the ball into the goal on the way up, and the defending team complain that the divine assistance was unsporting. Who are the sheep and who the goats?
2) As a team takes the field of play, you notice that their goalkeeper has been genetically modified into a 24ft x 8ft rectangle. How does he wash?
3) A defender from Haiti is making his debut. Some minutes into the game he retrieves several live, venomous snakes from his shorts and wears them like a wig, rolling his eyes into the back of his head and dancing like a nincompoop. The opposition captain gets the fear and attempts to cuddle you just as the ball bursts on one of the snake?s fangs. How do you do?
4) As the final whistle approaches, you realise that you are actually dreaming. Who do you kill?
5) Torquay United are playing at St Ives. On the way there, the bus passes a man with seven wives, each with seven sacks of cats, some of which miaow the truth and some of which miaow only lies, all walking on four legs in the morning, two at noon and three in the evening. What am I?
I would be fascinated to see Paul Trevillion?s illustrations of the above and Keith Hackett?s official answers.

Dr Mark Lewney, via email."

Posted By: duke of york on March 18th 2009 at 16:06:49

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